Virgil Petrisor

Christmas fun

2010-12-07T13:01:00.002-05:00

While reading various Christmas-related stories, I thought back to a Christmas concert with the Notre Dame Glee Club. It was fun - roughly seventy college kids in front of a fairly large audience in the now-defunct Stepan Center. I enjoyed being on the stage singing all sorts of Christmas songs, but the part that puts a smile on my face is the Undertones selection (the Undertones are a small group of glee club singers who both have their own concerts and perform during regular glee club ones). They were singing "Jingle Bell Rock" with a twist: the soloist was supposed to have forgotten the lyrics, so the other guys were trying to remind him of it.

As the song went, the only word that didn't get in there was "rock." The helping props were a sock, a duck, and other such items. Finally, at the end, a large rock gets pulled out of a duffel bag and the soloist gets it right. Except for our second performance of the evening. In between shows I went to the Undertones and asked, what if, instead of getting it right at the end, which everyone expects, the soloist sings "stone"?

I'm happy to say that the guys took the suggestion up and got quite a reaction from the second performance crowd.

On memory and remembrance - I

2010-10-19T10:21:00.003-04:00

Perhaps it is the funerals and the chanting of "memory eternal" that have had me thinking about the importance of memory and remembrance in the Orthodox Church. And although prompted, at least partially, by "memory eternal," my thinking hasn't been so much about God's salvific remembrance (cf. Gen 8:1 and Lk 23:42-43), but about our remembrance. What do we do with our memory and the things we remember or call to mind?

To me, as a priest, the Liturgy is the starting place for figuring out what the Church has to say about remembrance. We repeatedly say "Remembering/Commemorating our most holy, pure, blessed lady Theotokos with all the saints, let us commit/commend ourselves and one another and our whole life to Christ our God." There are two distinct parts to this petition. The first tells us whom to remember: the Theotokos and the saints. We pray for a lot of things during our services, but we call to mind the saints. We bring to the front of our consciousness those whose lives serve as models for us. We concentrate on the good, rather than the bad.

The second part of the petition is the purpose of the remembrance: as a reminder that we, too, should follow the example of the saints in our dedication to Christ. Remembrance is not just a theoretical, mental activity; it has ramifications in daily life. To a certain extent, all our thoughts have an effect on us - on one level, I suspect this is part of why we are told to guard our thoughts. The petition, repeated several times during the service, directs our thoughts and, ideally, our lives, towards God.

There are many other instances of remembrance in the Liturgy, but the other explicit instance comes right before the consecration: "Remembering, therefore, this command of the Savior, and all that came to pass for our sake, the cross, the tomb, the resurrection on the third day, the ascension into heaven, the enthronement at the right hand of the Father, and the second, glorious coming, we offer to You these gifts from Your own gifts in all and for all." Perhaps we go on auto pilot, perhaps we forget once we come out of the church building, but I can't help feeling that these words are meant to jolt us out of that auto pilot mode, to reverberate within our minds long after the priest has said the "Through the prayers" and the doors of the church have closed behind us. Do we really bring to mind and think about the events of Christ's life, but even more so, do we care (or dare) to think about that "second, glorious coming"?

Well, it is getting late and a little boy keeps acting like a cross between a monkey and a koala bear, with me playing the role of the tree. So I'll have to think more about this topic another time; one when hopefully I will have the Philokalia handy.

Much ado...

2010-09-16T20:30:00.002-04:00

about baseball today. I like sports. I grew up playing football (soccer) in the park close to my grandmother's house, in the parking lot inside our apartment building (it was U-shaped). I swam a little as a little kid. I played basketball with dedication for years. Occasionally I played a bit of volleyball, table tennis, football (American). I watched a lot of sports at various times in my life, though I find myself watching considerably less these days (the Cincinnati - NC State game in the background notwithstanding).

In any case, I like sports and, occasionally, I even listen to sports radio in the car. Since I live in the Tampa Bay area, the hot topic of conversation today was Derek Jeter's faking of having been hit by a pitch. Most people - including the opposing manager - did not take much offense: he was trying to do his job, win, get on base. In other words, it's part of the game. People even praised Jeter's presence of mind to react so quickly.

I tend to live in a different world, in certain respects. I was the goalkeeper who, up 2-1 with time running out, would actually put the ball back in play quickly off a goal kick. I was also the player who, in a basketball game, went up for a block and got nothing but wrist. The refs didn't blow a foul, but I got the rebound and simply placed the ball out of bounds. Perhaps that sort of attitude explains why I am a priest, rather than a professional athlete...

I don't expect professional athletes to be role models and I don't expect a public outcry over such incidents. But with this particular incident having gotten so much publicity and so much of the public opinion seeming to be in favor of the exhibited behavior, I had reason to pause for a bit.

Enough of a pause. There's a lot of work to be done.

New beginnings

2010-07-29T15:30:00.003-04:00

The last few months have been a big, ol' whirlwind, which has landed me about an hour South of my previous location. Sometimes it feels like my head is still spinning, but I am starting to find my parish legs. If I'd ever been out on the water in something other than a small boat, I could probably make an analogy between parish legs and sea legs, but, since I haven't, there will be one less analogy for this post. In any case, dear reader, if you have escaped my initial rambling and made it to this point, your prayers are requested for the parish of St. Barbara in Sarasota and for me, as I begin my ministry here.

As things continue to move along, I will try to post here on a more regular basis. But first, it has been two weeks since I added fish-roe salad (taramosalata/icre) to my shopping list and there is still none in the fridge. That issue needs to be addressed soon :)

February newsletter article

2010-02-15T11:11:00.003-05:00

The early celebration of Pascha this year means that we are barely finished with the celebrations of Christmas and Epiphany and we need to think about our Lenten journey. The day after our festival finishes, we begin seven weeks of working on both our bodies and our souls through fasting, alms-giving, and prayer. Last year at this time I wrote on the Lenten services,
in particular the service of the Liturgy of the Pre-Sanctified Gifts. If you would like a reminder of what that service is and why we have it, let me know and I will give you
a copy. This year, however, I will focus on fasting.

Why fasting? Because it is a practice of the Church which is not well understood. In the introduction to “The Lenten Triodion,” Bishop (now Metropolitan) Kallistos (Ware) and Mother Mary describe the two most common misunderstandings. The first overemphasizes the fasting rules,
while the other considers the rules outdated and unnecessary. However, these “are both alike to be deplored as a betrayal of true Orthodoxy. In both cases the proper balance between the outward and the inward has been impaired.” The misunderstandings and distortions of fasting, however, by
no means diminish its importance and usefulness in the spiritual life. After all, our Lord Himself gave instructions regarding fasting.

In Matthew 6, He tells His disciples, “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” Luke 5:34-35 is equally unequivocal about the fasting of Jesus’ disciples. When asked why His disciples did not fast, he answered, “Can you make the guests of the bridegroom fast while he is with them? But the time will
come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; in those days they will fast.”

The question then remains: how shall we fast? The life of the Church has produced four major fasting periods, in addition to most Wednesdays and Fridays of the year. We are about to enter the longest and strictest fast of these four, in which, according to the strictest standards, no
meat, dairy, eggs, or fish are to be eaten on any day (with exceptions being made for fish on the day of the Annunciation and Palm Sunday) from Cheese-fare Sunday until the Resurrection, a period of seven weeks.

For most people who have not fasted before, the list of foods not to be eaten and the length of time for which we are to abstain can seem daunting. To these, St. John Cassian gives encouragement: “[The Holy Fathers] have not given us only a single rule for fasting or a single standard and measure for eating, because not everyone has the same strength; age, illness or delicacy of body create differences” (Philokalia v.1, pp. 74-75). Thus, someone who has not fasted before is not asked to follow the strictest of fasts from the beginning. Rather, under the guidance of a spiritual father, such a person should begin the discipline of fasting in a manner fit for that person. After all, St. John also reminds us that “food is to be taken in so
far as it supports our life, but not to the extent of enslaving us to the impulses of desire. To eat moderately and reasonably is to keep the body in health, not to deprive it of holiness” (ibid.). St. Peter of Damaskos concurs with St. John Cassian and adds that, through moderate fasting, “we can overcome gluttony, greed and [disordered] desire,and live without distraction” (St. Peter of Damaskos - Philokalia v.3, p. 90). Similarly, a desert father, Abba John the Short, said that “blessed fasting subdues the passions and the demons and ultimately removes them far from the combatant” (Ancient Fathers of the Desert - Section 1, on GOA website, www.goarch.org).

These saints speak from their own experiences about the practice of fasting and its spiritual benefits. Their agreement with regard to the importance of fasting, to the way fasting is to be approached, and to the spiritual fruits of this physical labor bear witness to the common mind of the Church on these matters.

With that being said, Metr. Kallistos and Mother Mary have the last word: “On the outward level fasting involves physical abstinence from food and drink, and without such exterior
abstinence a full and true fast cannot be kept; yet the rules about eating and drinking must never be treated as an end in themselves, for ascetic fasting has always an inward and unseen purpose. [...] The primary aim of fasting is to make us conscious of our dependence upon God.”
Wishing everyone a blessed Lenten season,
+Fr. Peter

December reflection

2009-12-02T16:01:00.004-05:00

We are in the middle of our time of preparation for Christmas. There are several similarities between this time and Great Lent. First, the preparation period is also forty days (Holy Week is considered a separate period from Great Lent). Second, both fasting periods end in days which were used as baptismal days in the early church. Pascha and Christmas concluded what had been periods of preparation and catechism for those being made ready to enter the Church. Finally, Pascha and Christmas mark births. At Christmas, Christ, the God-man (theanthropos), is born and becomes visible to human eyes for the first time. At Pascha, He is born from the dead—“He became the firstborn from the dead,” as the mode three resurrectional apolytikion tells us.

There are also similarities in the time following these great feasts. At Pascha, the entire week following Resurrection Sunday is a continuation of the Paschal feast. The Vespers, Orthroses, and Liturgies celebrated during Bright Week follow the same pattern as the Paschal services. Bright Week is a non-fasting period. Similarly, the period following Christmas is a non-fasting period. From December 25 to December 31 we are in Christmastide, which then continues with the preparation (still fast-free until January 5) for the feast of the Theophany. The Church rejoices in the birth of the Savior and remembers people and events related to Christmas. The very next day, for example, the Church commemorates St. Joseph the Betrothed and David the king and prophet who had spoken of Christ in his psalms.

Life within the Church has a rhythm focused on these great feasts and the pattern is similar: the preparation period is followed by the feast, which is itself followed by an extended period of resting in the joy of the feast. This rhythm becomes familiar as it is lived year after year. It ebbs and flows, building up to the important events of the year and easing away from the feasts. If it sounds like a training regimen for athletes, it is. This is our training for the Kingdom.

Athletes know that maximum performance can only be obtained a couple of times a year. Track and field athletes and swimmers speak of “building up” to the Olympics or the world championships,
soccer players speak of “building up” to the World Cup. As athletes reach their peak, these build-ups generate better and better results: faster times, longer jumps, more cohesion within the team.

As Orthodox Christians, we, too, are athletes. St. Paul, in admonishing the Galatians for having strayed from the Christian way of life tells them, “You were running a good race. Who cut
in on you and kept you from obeying the truth?” (Gal. 5:7). In writing to Timothy, he speaks of himself as having finished the race (2 Tim. 4:7). As athletes, we build up to our great feasts, with a training program of prayer and fasting, of love and care, of almsgiving and charity. We
begin with prayer because our final goal—salvation—is only achievable if we work together with God. It is through God’s grace that we discover love, care, almsgiving, and charity in
their fullness.

The similarities between the athletic and spiritual life cannot be taken too far, however. In sports, there comes a time when performance starts to decline. In the spiritual life, progress does not depend on a body which withers away like grass (cf. Ps. 102:11). Rather, progress is continual: a journey towards an ever-fuller communion with God.

So let us take from the athlete that which is useful. Let us have the dedication of the athlete in our spiritual lives. Let us use the training program of feasts and fasts that the
Church places in front of us to help us strengthen our faith. Let us strive to live the Christian life to its fullest and so to let the lights of our lives “shine before men, that they may see
[our] good deeds and praise [our] Father in heaven” (Matt. 5:16).

May the joy of the Lord’s birth dwell in our hearts.

Paper advertisements

2009-08-01T14:44:00.002-04:00

I suppose the amount of advertising that is delivered to our house is not actually that large. A couple of flyers each day is about the norm. Still, I can't help wondering about, for example, Verizon. For over a year, week in and week out, they've sent a flyer to our house advertising their FIOS program. It's still not available at our location according to their website, but this doesn't seem to deter them from wanting us to join their as of now fictitious offering. I guess I should be glad we have a pretty good recycling program around here...

Reading "Angels and Demons"

2009-07-24T11:53:00.004-04:00

The book club we have at Holy Trinity will be discussing "Angels and Demons" in October. As a result, I couldn't simply take presvytera's warning that it is not a well-written book; I had to see it for myself. This post started out as a Facebook status and evolved through several comments. I'll try to expand on that a bit.

For starters, I am treating "Angels and Demons" as what it is - a work of fiction. With that in mind, I don't mind historical conjecture, reality-stretching, and even the occasional questionable belief or practice that would seem to be espoused by the author. In other words, I don't mind make-believe. I mind badly written make-believe. My current favorite example in that vein is Terry Pratchett and his Discworld series. I may not always agree with the way certain aspects of our lives are reflected and analyzed in Discworld. However, he actually develops characters, has good story lines, interesting plot twists... And he's just one example of a contemporary author who, in my opinion, turns plot into good book repeatedly.

A friend of mine made two comments. The first was about the portrayal of Italians and sex. I have to confess that I have not seen much of that so far (a bit over half-way through the book) - maybe it comes later, maybe it relates more to the DaVinci Code, I don't know. So far, the only even remotely sex-related intrigue consists of some rather puerile attempts at making the Langdon-Vesta whatever it is into a love interest. The whole attempt seems formulaic and trite, but fortunately it doesn't (up to this point) take up too much of the book.

The second comment referred to Mr. Brown's political inclinations and how they affect the book. As I hinted above, I don't think religious/political inclinations are necessarily deleterious to the quality of a book. I can disagree with ideas but still find a book good. This one just isn't. From the stand point of the writing itself, employing the same "cliff hanging" device to switch from one tableau to another becomes tiresome after, oh, the fifth time. Rather than tension-building anticipation, this becomes annoying interruption, especially since, if you're paying attention, you should be able to figure out what comes next in the story. Perhaps I am too picky, but I expect ingenuity in a book; not just in the plot, but in the way that plot is transferred unto the page.

My final comment about the writing is that good writing creates characters. There's something interesting - perhaps intriguing would be an even better word - in a character. Over the course of a story you tend to find out more about a character, watch the character develop (positively or negatively)... you may even get to a point where you start hoping the character makes certain choices and decisions. So far, at least to me, that is missing almost entirely in the book. To put this in terms of my former occupation, it feels rather like a race in which several machines (with competing goals programmed in) take place. It may make for interesting action, but not for a good book.

And I did reserve my final comment about the book to the research and thinking processes that went into writing it. There was a page and a half towards the middle of the book that, as an Orthodox priest and occasional user of logic, made me just scratch my head. In that page and a half space, Langdon claims that the Church got its idea of God-eating/Communion from the Aztecs. Um... because the Church, in its goal to keep everything secret, hid the fact that America had been discovered until Columbus got there? Followed right on its heels by the claim that the depiction of God as an old man with a long beard was inspired by the depiction of Zeus. That depiction in itself is rather new and Western in nature. The early Christians - in particular the Greeks who would have been most familiar with that representation - did not use it. The fact remains that (despite a number of unfortunate uses of the "new" representation in some churches) the only valid/canonical representation of the Trinity in the Orthodox Church remains an extrapolation of the icon of the Hospitality of Abraham, where the three angels who visited Abraham are taken to be a representation of the Trinity. There were other howlers to be noted, but I think I've given my frustrations in reading this book enough of a voice. I can only hope that, as was the case when we read "The Shack," that the discussion will be better than the book.

Clergy-Laity Conference and other sundry items

2009-06-18T21:31:00.005-04:00

Last week, our parish hosted the Metropolis of Atlanta Clergy-Laity conference. As far as I can tell, things went pretty well. From a personal perspective, it was a great opportunity to see some friends from the not-too-far-gone seminary days. It was interesting to compare notes and look at the challenges we are facing in our various parishes.

The best part, though, was the reminder of why I felt blessed to go to the seminary in the fall of 2004. At the end of the first year, those who remained formed a group that seems to me to have had (and still to have, as I was reminded this past week) something special. A few of us graduated early - but were still sent the graduation T-shirts of the class of 2008 - and a few people from the incoming class of 2005 joined and fit right in. We have different talents and often radically different approaches to the practical problems that might appear, but it seems to me that every person from that group who graduated the school of theology was there for the right reasons. The love of God and His Church was tangible in the discussions we had in those few moments we managed to find for ourselves - all together, or in smaller groups. I think those discussions did me good.

In other news, I seem to have an almost-nine-month old version of Sir Edmund Hillary, or a reasonable facsimile. Evidence here (that is the back of the sofa and yes, he got there on his own), here, and here. Fortunately, he seems to balance that with a down to earth (or, rather, water) approach.

And now, for the regularly scheduled slumber.

From the Metropolis of Chicago

2009-03-27T14:31:00.002-04:00

March 19, 2009

Dearly Beloved,

As we pursue the struggle of repentance and holiness during this season of Great Lent with the renewal of our commitment to Christ our Lord, we have become aware of a threat to the freedom of our spiritual and religious lives in the State of Illinois, though such dangers are appearing more frequently throughout our nation.

The Illinois General Assembly is considering a bill (HB 2354; “Reproductive Health and Access Act”) that would affect all health care workers by removing their right to conscientious objection to abortion and related procedures, forcing them to participate in or provide abortions or face legal punishments. This bill would basically make the right to an abortion a fundamental human right in the State of Illinois.

Not only will this severely impact health care providers, especially the many excellent Catholic hospitals of our State where the sanctity of life is always respected and many Orthodox Christian doctors and nurses, but it will also contribute to the ever-increasing callousness of our society when it comes to all perception of life’s sanctity at all ages, from the pre-born children in the womb to the elderly.

In our nation, the right to conscientious objection on religious grounds has always been respected in times of war and for those who choose to refuse to participate in acts of capital punishment. It seems now that some Illinois lawmakers want to infringe on this hallmark of our democracy. It seems such lawmakers have forgotten the “weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faith” (Matt 23:23) just as our Lord pointed out so long ago. This proposed law is unjust and violates the very principles of our faith in Jesus Christ, the Life of the world.

The forces that oppose religious freedom and are actually seeking to increase the number of abortions in our society are well organized, well funded, and well connected to the political process. It is high time for Christians to raise their own voices to demand their elected officials attend to the “weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faith.” Perhaps those who want this bill believe we will be distracted by the economic crisis facing our nation and affecting many of us personally. We must resist the temptation, especially during this Lenten season, to neglect this matter as “someone else’s problem.” None of us wants the government to come between us and our doctor. We should likewise not want the government to come between health care workers and their God. If we allow one step, we will never prevent the next.

Let us Christians unite together to put an end to our lawmakers bowing before the powers of those opposed to life. Therefore, for the faithful in Illinois, we urge you to contact your State Representatives and insist that this bill, HB 2354, be defeated. You may contact your representative on the internet at www.ilga.gov, or obtain proper contact information by calling The Catholic Conference of Illinois (312) 368-1066. For our beloved faithful outside of Illinois, pray that this bill be defeated, and contact your own local officials to protest the over-increasing callousness of our society when it comes to the sanctity of human life. And thus may we arrive at the conclusion of this Lenten season truly proclaiming the victory of the Life of the World, our Lord and Savior, over the dominion of death!

With Paternal Blessings,
Metropolitan IAKOVOS of Chicago

I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to... I guess

2008-10-25T11:10:00.002-04:00

The following is the article I wrote for our September parish bulletin. I realize the previous article posted was back in May. What can I say? I'm only human...

The Red Green Show, the source of the title - a show whose long run ended only recently, had a number of things to say about human nature - in a dry, Canadian humor sort of way. The most common theme (appearing in a myriad of situations) seemed to be that "to err is human." Most of us have probably made the excuse at some point that we're only human. Having lived around Boston for almost three years, I saw the local and national media repeatedly say "Manny is just being Manny" whenever Boston's arguably best player would lose interest in a game, or even outright refuse to play. On the other hand, the term "humane" is often used to describe things done with kindness, thoughtfulness, and love.

So what does it mean to be human? What does our faith have to say about it? Any answer to this question has to begin with the story of creation in the book of Genesis. There, man is created in the "image and likeness" of God (Genesis 1:26). The Fathers of the Church understood this to mean that there is planted within us a seed (the image) which we need to grow in order to become holy as God is holy (the likeness).

Shortly after creation, there is the well-known story of the fall: the serpent tempts Eve, who in turn tempts Adam, and they both are driven out of the garden. The consequences of the fall are things we see around us every day: suffering, illness, death.

A number of the early Fathers, notably St. Irenaeus of Lyons, have said that the state of man before the fall was not one of perfection. Rather, then as now, it was a state of potential perfection. Even before the fall, man had the need to cultivate the image that had been placed within him. Adam and Eve had been placed within the garden for that specific purpose: to grow from their child-like beginnings into godlike persons whose humanity would have reached its fullness in communion with God. In this regard, human nature has not changed; its lofty goal of godliness remains in place.

What has changed, however, is the relationship between us and God. First, the aforementioned fall meant that the image of God within us was distorted/darkened and it became more difficult for us to know what it means to be godlike. Second, it became more difficult for man to be in close communion with God. The image of the angel standing guard at the tree of life (Gen 3:24) illustrates this difficulty. Still, the Old Testament is replete with images of people who drew near to God: Isaiah, Deborah, Elijah, Ruth, and Elisha are only a few examples of those who strove to fulfill the calling to holiness.

The last major change in the human condition occurred with the Incarnation, when God Himself obliterated the gulf that had appeared between man and God, allowing us to behold the second person of the Trinity become man, to commune with Him in the Holy Eucharist. This did not undo the original fall. Rather, it created a new reality, the God-man (theanthropos) Christ. The significance of the Incarnation was underlined by St. Athanasios: "[f]or therefore did He assume the body originate and human, that having renewed it as its Framer, He might deify it in Himself, and thus might introduce us all into the kingdom of heaven after His likeness. (Second Oration against the Arians)." We had lost the garden of Eden; we are now invited into the kingdom of heaven.

This, then, is our condition. Fallen, but receiving help to rise; darkened but having the great Light. It is easy, because of our fallen condition, to forget that we carry the divine image within us and that we are called to become the likeness of God. If we look at only the fallen part of humanity and if we allow ourselves to use our fallenness as an excuse, it is easy to see the negative conotations of the word "human." We are, however, members of the Church. We believe in the Incarnation; we have the witness of the saints; we are invited by God to become one with Him and one another at every Divine Liturgy. For us, as Orthodox Christians, human beings are defined more by our potential to become saints than by our current level of sinfulness (regardless of low or high that may be).

However, all that we know about God and about ourselves amounts to very little if we do no put our knowledge to proper use in order to fulfill our potential (see James 2:19). We know from the Bible that we are called to be lights in the world, drawing our light from the One who is Light. We do this by cultivating the virtues, beginning with St. Paul's three (faith, hope, and love) and extending through our daily lives with patience, forgiveness, alms-giving, forbearance, meekness, temperance, chastity, diligence. In these, and in communion with God, we believe that human nature attains its fullness. It is our responsibility, by virtue of being members of God's holy Church, to be (and continue to become) examples of this fullness of humanity.

Christianity has never denied the difficulty of the path which we are called to travel. We say that the path is narrow (Matthew 7:14) knowing that busy lives, less-than-virtuous people, worries, and our own egos are only some of the obstacles we find on our way. It is because of this difficulty that St. Paul compares the Christian with an athlete and a soldier. He knows well the difficulties, but he also knows the rewards: both the final reward of the kingdom of heaven, but also the rewards in this life, the strength and peace that come upon those who draw near to God.

Thus we understand human nature. The fallenness exists; it is something that we cannot deny. However our focus as Orthodox Christians is on our high calling to become godlike and live with God in His everlasting kingdom. God has already invited us in - let us do everything in our power to answer that invitation, so that we can say, inspired by St. Peter's admonition (1 Peter 1:15-16) "to be holy is human."

I'm a PC

2008-10-17T19:05:00.002-04:00

Since I have a hotmail account, I received a Microsoft e-mail asking whether I wanted to tell the world what kind of PC I am. Granted, I'm not actually a computer, but I couldn't resist. I went to the page, clicked on "Upload Picture" and was taken to a place where I was asked to complete the sentence "I'm a PC and..." I completed the sentence truthfully: "I use linux." Somehow I don't expect that to come up in any ads :)

Kitchen Arguments

2008-10-05T21:57:00.003-04:00

Tonight, seeing that we had some fruit in the fridge that was starting to leave "ripe" in the rear-view mirror, I decided to try making a pie. Since the results turned out quite well, I posted the recipe on a friend's blog (said blog is dedicated, in part, to pie recipes). The following exchange ensued:

M: You posted your recipe in metric!
P: Well, yes, I did!
M: Metric in cooking, I just find that funny.
P: My cookbook is in metric.
M: Your cookbook has funny vowels.
P: My cookbook has recipes you like!
M (with a dreamy facial expression, sighs): Yeah...

The "story behind the numbers"

2008-09-24T19:00:00.002-04:00

I just received an envelope from Notre Dame, an institution whose alumnus I am. It begins with "[t]here is always a 'story behind the numbers.'" The problem is that the story means different things to different people. Numbers are often a rather sophist thing: you can make them say whatever you want them to say if you just look at them in the 'right' perspective and, occasionally, eliminate or disregard some of the more uncomfortable ones.

Case in point, and please bear with the numbers, because quite a few of them will follow in rather quick succession. The letter I received states: "Over the past 9 years spending on undergraduate financial aid at Notre Dame has risen from $28 million to $76 million this year - a 172% increase." Impressive, wouldn't you say?

Unless you consider that in 1999, when I went there, tuition was somewhere a bit over $20000 a year, say $21000. Increasing tuition by 5% each year (on average) would bring us today to $32577 a year. According to Business Week, tuition is actually $34680 a year. Assuming I was a bit off with my memory for tuition in 1999, a 5% annual increase seems to be in the ballpark.

Now, with an undergraduate body of 8352 students, the difference in tuition between 1999 and 2008 for the entire undergraduate body results in an income increase to Notre Dame of over $100 million. Of this 100+ million, the increases in undergraduate scholarships cover a bit less than half (48 million), which means that the actual increase in cost to the students is somewhere over $50 million. This would correspond to about a 3.5% annual increase in tuition costs. Considering that the median US income in 1999 was about the same as that in 2005, and that 2006 to 2007 showed a 1.3% increase by one measure and 3.8% by another in the same median income (see source here), all these numbers are telling me is this: it was unreasonable to raise tuition so much faster than income, so we had to bring it closer to what it should have been with scholarships. Wasn't it nice of us? I mean... 172% increase in financial aid?

Which brings me to my final thought. A lot is being written about the $700 billion rescue package proposed these days. The trouble is that unless you know all the numbers - and I do mean all the numbers, you can't know what it means, how it's going to work, and whether you can trust it. And there are two problems here: first, that people are very good at choosing the numbers that make them look good and presenting just those. Second, that in the case of the economy there are significantly more numbers than in the puny Notre Dame example above.

So what does this all mean? For me, just that I need to keep praying - not specifically, just as a matter of discipline. Prayer doesn't lie. Numbers... what numbers?

Apple vs. PC

2008-09-08T21:30:00.003-04:00

I read a couple of weeks ago about the upcoming Microsoft ad campaign featuring Jerry Seinfeld. Having chuckled repeatedly during the Apple commercials, I held some hope that the Microsoft ads would be... at least watchable. No such luck.

This message posted from OpenSUSE (in other words, at this moment I have very little to do with either Apple or Microsoft).

My take on the upcoming election...

2008-09-05T20:56:00.002-04:00

Well, I don't really do politics, so this is probably going to be my only post on the subject. I think the greatest downside to the Republican party vice-presidential nominee is that when Americans think of Palin in the future, they will be thinking of the wrong person. There really is only one

Top Gear vs. Mythbusters

2008-05-29T20:52:00.002-04:00

Given my geeky tendencies, it should be no surprise that among the few shows I follow on tv, Top Gear and Mythbusters rank at the top. It's not just what the shows are about (cars and, well, myths/urban legends) but the amusing way in which almost everything is approached. It is even more fun when, occasionally, the two shows tackle the same subject. For example, over the years, both shows tackled the subject of escaping from a sinking car, and they agreed in their conclusions. Then, both shows wondered whether it would be possible to beat a speed-trap camera by just going very fast.

On Mythbusters, the camera was set up at a circuit and a sports car attempted to go past the camera fast enough to not get caught. I don't remember the exact details, but I think the car got somewhere around 100 miles an hour with absolutely no effect on the camera: the license place appeared clear as day on the picture. Conclusion: myth busted.

Or is it? Top Gear is, after all, a car show. With the Stig. Their conclusion was slightly different. It is, actually, possible to beat a speed-trap camera by going fast. You just need a car capable of going 170 mph to do it. Advantage: Britain.

Planning for Salvation (May Article)

2008-05-22T20:16:00.004-04:00

Last month I had the pleasure of assisting with the youth retreat at St. John the Baptist, in Tampa. Part of my involvement in the retreat was giving a presentation entitled "Goals without Plans are Fantasies." Since my dissertation work at Notre Dame involved the design of autonomous robots, I repeatedly had to face the difficulties inherent in the process of planning. Most of these difficulties are brought about by the size, complexity, and unpredictability of the world. The world is simply too big to be able to plan for every possible outcome. One approach is to eliminate planning altogether and simply react to the immediate environment. As researchers have repeatedly found, that approach does not work very well if you try to imitate something more complex than an ant, or, perhaps, a limited version of a turtle. If the goal is to achieve something more complex than walking about and looking for sources of food, some planning has to take place.

A robot without a goal most often moves in a pattern determined by its surroundings. Even though we are much more sophisticated in our interactions with the world around us, the basic principles still apply. If we neglect our goal, we become vulnerable to the problems, cares, and distractions of life. We change with the latest changes in entertainment, political, or social trends, perhaps not even knowing why we change. We may not know whether these changes are good or bad; they are, however, inevitable as we interact with the world around us. Therefore, in order for the changes in our lives to be meaningful, we need to have a goal which influences the changes in our lives, which brings us to the next point in the planning process.

A robot with a goal but without a plan moves towards the goal, but is most often thwarted at the first obstacle. What this means for us as people is that even when we keep our final goal in mind, we still need for a plan for accomplishing that goal. Without a plan, we can easily feel like we have stopped making progress in our lives. At that point it is easy to become discouraged. There is a chasm between us and our goal, and often, by the time we have gotten to this point, we may not see a way to bridge that gap. In order to prevent this state of affairs, we need to have, as quickly as possible, a plan for achieving our goals, especially the ultimate goal. So, how do we plan for salvation?

As Christians, our end goal is, simply put, "to go to heaven." It is a goal which can be simply stated, but which is quite complex. Ultimately, our going to heaven is contingent upon God's grace, mercy, and love, but we have an important role to play in our salvation as well. Christ tells us in the Gospel of Matthew that "men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken" (Matt. 12:36). St. Paul says in 2 Corinthians, "we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad" (2 Cor. 5:10). The book of Revelation says, "each person was judged according to what he had done" (Rev. 20:13). Let's see, then, what God will be looking for in the final judgment.

Throughout the Bible, God gave us the ingredients to lead us to the kingdom: love, prayer, forgiveness, humility, charity, self-sacrifice, and all the other virtues. It is up to us to plan for a way to put these things together in order to achieve our final goal. These, then, are smaller goals, which lead to the final goal of salvation. For some of us, the virtues come easily. For the rest of us, when we honestly look at ourselves, we find that our love is not perfect, our charity could use some growth, and our prayer life lacks enough fervor. If that be the case, what can we do?

The Fathers tell us that we grow by doing. The prayer of the heart begins with the prayer of the lips, which starts to stir the soul and set it aflame with love for God. Lack of charity is driven away by the joy of giving, of knowing that we are the instruments by which God blesses those who are less fortunate. If we want to become more loving, let us plan on giving love each day: a little smile, a kind word, a token gift. It takes planning and discipline, but this is the path of watchfulness on which we work and grow in the image of Him who holds all things.

Having said all this, it is important not to take the parallels with robots too far. After all, we are not robots, but human beings created in the image of God, each one a beloved child of God and a reason-endowed member of His flock. What this means in practical terms is that, having made a plan for our journey to heaven, we should not forget to remain humble and allow God to show us His plan. He knows us better than we know ourselves and He desires each of us to be saved. Throughout our lives He tries to bring us to Himself and to guide us toward the kingdom. Our plans need to allow Him to guide us; they need to be flexible enough to change according to His will. We need to begin by having our plans, our way of knocking on God's door, and He will open the door and guide us as He has promised. So let us plan each day to take another step towards the kingdom so that, at the awesome second coming, we may all hear the invitation, replete with guidelines for us to consider in making our plans: "Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me" (Matt. 25:34-36).

Daily happenings

2008-05-12T11:17:00.003-04:00

Yesterday after the Liturgy I forgot to turn my cell phone on. Around 5:30, I remembered that and told Magda that I probably should turn it on. Her reply was something along the lines of: "Yeah, you should. You're probably going to get a call from the alarm company." (Since I live close to the church, I am the first contact should the alarm go off). Sure enough, at 5:33 the phone rang and the alarm had gone off. Turned out to be a door that wasn't properly closed, but the whole episode was quite amusing.

In other news, I cannot watch hockey with my wife. She cheers for the puck (i.e., "Run away, little puck, run awaaaay!) I still haven't figured out quite how to respond to that :)

The Universal Mission of the Church

2008-05-03T17:24:00.004-04:00

As mentioned before, I am posting some of the articles that I wrote for our monthly bulletin. The following is the article for April.

...................................................

Our journey through Lent has reached its glorious finale. The church has been decorated, the altar doors have been opened wide, the news of the resurrection has been proclaimed to the world. It is Pascha and the whole Church rejoices. However, for the Church, this is only the beginning. After the Resurrection, Christ told the disciples to “go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit” (Matt. 28:19). Later, He says, “you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth” (Acts 1:8). These words were spoken not only to the apostles, but also to us, who follow in their steps.

The Church reminds us of the universal mission of the Church when it brings us together for the service of Agape Vespers on the afternoon of Pascha. During this service we read the Gospel message in many languages. Over the years I have had the opportunity to hear this Gospel in many languages such as Korean, Basque, Japanese, Turkish, and Kikuyu. Sometimes these languages were read by native speakers, other times by people who had the opportunity to live where these languages were spoken and to see the Church at work in those places.

As Orthodox Christians we are part of the united family of the Church. We are connected to our brothers and sisters in Christ in every place where the Church in present. We become one with them in the Eucharist we share. We are connected to one another in our worship, in our love for God, the Church, and one another, as well as in our mission to be Christ’s witnesses in the world.

The meaning of Agape Vespers extends even further. Psalm 24 says: "The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it" (Ps. 24:1). The reading of the Gospel in many languages reminds us that God's love extends over the entire world. We, as a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation (1 Pet. 2:9), are the messengers of God's love. It is to us that St. Paul says: "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2). To us Christ says, “let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven” (Matt. 5:16). We cannot, therefore, remain indifferent to suffering, whether it is near or far. The Orthodox Church here in the United States has provided avenues through which each of us may help others.

The recent Kenyan crisis, in which at least one Orthodox church was destroyed and several priests were left without shelter during the violence, was a different kind of reminder of the mission of the Church. The Orthodox Christian Mission Center (OCMC), a ministry of the Standing Council of Orthodox Bishops of America (SCOBA), which was already on the ground working with the Orthodox Church in Kenya, sent out appeals for help so that they could meet the needs of those who had been hurt. OCMC focuses on the spiritual work of the Church. Through our support of OCMC, missionaries go to places like Albania, Kenya, Romania, and Tanzania. Among their activities there, they help build churches and schools, start drug and alcohol counseling programs, and organize health care programs. When the need arose in Kenya, because OCMC was in the best position to offer humanitarian help, it took on that aspect of the Church’s ministry.

In most situations, however, it is the International Orthodox Christian Charities (IOCC) that does the almsgiving and support work on behalf of us, the Church. In the summer of 2005, Romania suffered catastrophic flooding; later that year, hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast; last year Greece endured fires that endangered thousands of lives and livelihoods. Every time, IOCC, the official international humanitarian organization of SCOBA, acted swiftly in providing relief to the affected regions.

These two organizations continue to do important work for and on behalf of the people of God: helping those in need, spreading the good news of Christ, and bringing hope to many parts of the world. This year, IOCC offers volunteer opportunities in the Gulf Coast to help rebuild homes that still have not been restored after hurricane Katrina. OCMC provides opportunities for both short and long term service in Alaska, Albania, Ghana, Guatemala, India, Kenya, Romania, South Africa, Tanzania, and Uganda. Members of these service teams will help build and restore churches, teach English as a second language, teach catechism, care for orphaned children, provide substance abuse counseling, and provide general health care. Among so many worthy projects, each of us can find one to take to heart and support. Our support is essential in order for IOCC and OCMC to continue to follow Christ's mandate to serve. This support can come in a variety of ways: we can pray for these ministries, support them financially, or listen to the call to become a volunteer. Perhaps next year one of our own Holy Trinity family will tell first-hand stories of the work the Church is doing in far-away lands and add a new voice to those reading the Agape Vespers Gospel in many languages.

For more information on the work being done by these important outreach and evangelism organizations of the Church and for more ways in which we can show our support, please visit: http://www.iocc.org and http://www.ocmc.org.

Christ is risen!

2008-05-02T20:43:00.002-04:00

It's rather hard to believe it's been a month since I last wrote. It almost goes without saying that it's been a busy month and I loved it. I still haven't gotten a recorder for the sermons... so I'll post some of the things I write for the monthly church bulletin and, maybe, some thoughts on my first Holy Week and Pascha as a priest. In the mean time...

In geeky news, I like being able to do things I'm not supposed to be able to. Specifically, I am talking about talking to a web-hosting tech person about using CSS files in Soholaunch. I was told that it was complicated and I should provide the specs and the company would take care of things. Needless to say, geek that I am, I figured it would be faster if I just figured out how to either use CSS or fake it. After a couple of hours of looking at various pages in Soholaunch-based systems and a brief look at the Soholaunch wiki, I was using my own CSS file in Soholaunch, which did just about everything I needed it to do (complete with Soholaunch menu directives and all that). Truth be told, the way Soholaunch deals with CSS is rather cumbersome, but I've dealt with much worse things in my time of fiddling with computers.

In "I don't know what's good for me" news... Yesterday when Presvytera and I had a doctor's appointment (everything's just fine) and I commented that "I'm in a hurry, so I can't leave the car in the regular parking lot, because that is patient parking and I'm impatient." Or today, when she told me she needed more praises for everything she accomplished today (quite a bit, actually), I launched into: "Πάσα πνοή..." (Let every breath...). It's a good thing I have good reflexes and I can catch the chapstick as it flies towards me :)

And so, life goes on.

Allergies

2008-04-02T22:17:00.002-04:00

The following is, to the best of my recollection, a discussion I had with my wife while she was rather badly affected by allergies.

She: I want my mommy... she would make me lemon tea.
Me: I can make an herbal tea and put some lemon in it.
She: That would be gross...
Me: I could go and get some lemon tea.
She: I don't like lemon tea.
Me: ?!?

Second Sunday in Lent

2008-03-27T16:31:00.003-04:00

Just a bit of context: the congregation for most of my sermons is Church school students with a few adults (mostly their families) sprinkled in. Also the previously mentioned disclaimer: this is a rough approximation of what I actually said (part of the sermon was interactive).

A few days ago one of the major sporting events of the year began – the NCAA tournament. For those of you who know me, you know that I am a basketball nut: I love watching and I love playing even more. This morning's Gospel reading reminded me of my first basketball coach. Back when I was about six or seven, I was doing both swimming and basketball and he tried to convince me to focus on basketball. So he took me aside and said: “What are you doing all that swimming for? Basketball is much better. Here, if you make a mistake, the other four guys will cover for you...” He probably did not know it at the time, but the team concept he was describing comes very close to this morning's Gospel. A group of friends comes together and four of them work to make up for what the fifth lacks.

When a team comes together for a game, the players also have one common goal. Each of the players wants to win that game and the players - especially on good teams - work together to achieve that goal. Here, in the Church, we also have a common goal: to become holy as God is holy and to reach the kingdom of heaven. We are a team and we need to help one another to reach that common goal. St. Augustine said that the lone/solo Christian is not a Christian. The monastics in monasteries encourage one another every day on the journey towards the kingdom. Even the hermits in the deserts have their spiritual fathers who help them along.

One other important element of a team is a coach. Behind most great teams there is a good coach. There are many examples in history where poor coaching and poor teamwork have left great players without winning the prize they sought. In the Orthodox church we have the sacrament of confession and the tradition of spiritual fatherhood. As much as possible we go to confession to the same person so that he can get to know us and guide us through the difficulties of life, which are bound to come, through temptations, and to the kingdom.

Just like finding a good coach, finding a good spiritual father can be a difficult process. Not everyone can be a spiritual father; not everyone has the grace. Even when someone does have this wonderful gift, he may not be the right spiritual father for a particular person. The relationship between spiritual father and child is intensely personal and for that reason a good spiritual father for one person may not be as good for another. These days an additional degree of difficulty is brought about by the moves that we make in our lives - from one part of the country to another... from one country (or continent) to another... The church acknowledges the difficulty of the process of finding a spiritual father. this is why we have prayers for finding a spiritual father. It does take effort and it may take time, but finding a spiritual father is a great aid in our journey to the kingdom.

Now, in this holy time of Lent, we can look at sports teams and we can look at this morning's Gospel and ask ourselves: “Are our friends on the same team on which we are? Are they helping us to grow closer to God, to become better Christians, love our neighbors, friends and enemies?” Can we reach our goal without a good team and without a coach? We have been created in God's image and have been endowed with power - physical, mental - so that often think that we can do it. By God's grace everything is possible, so on occasion it may even be possible to reach the kingdom alone. However, the journey is going to be significantly more difficult to do on our own, and the chances of failure much greater. So now that we are in the Lenten period - this period which often may seem too long - let us gather around ourselves a team of friends and a coach, a spiritual father, who can help us grow closer to God. And let us always give glory to God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.

Preaching...

2008-03-27T12:43:00.003-04:00

I have now been here for over six months, so I can start looking back at a few things. One of the funniest is the way I ended up preaching the way I do... My first Sunday here as an assistant priest, Fr. James, the proistamenos invited me to preach. So I carefully prepared my sermon, wrote it out, revised it a couple of times... and promptly forgot to take it with me when the time came for me to give the sermon. At that point I thought: "Well... I don't have something to read, I might as well not go to the pulpit, but give the sermon from the solea... and we'll see how it goes."

All in all, it went fairly well. Well enough that I've continued the same way ever since. It wasn't something that I had planned on doing; just one in a long series of things that worked out in unexpected ways. The only problem is that my lovely wife keeps wanting me to put some of my sermons online and there is almost always something in the 'live' version that either I hadn't put on paper, or that simply came out better in church than it had been in the preparation stage. So, until I invest in a recorder, I'll have to try to come up with approximations. Hopefully later on today I will have a first approximation posted...

Memory Eternal

2008-03-06T11:17:00.001-05:00

After a difficult battle with cancer, the servant of God Lucia fell asleep in the Lord today, March 6, 2008. Please keep my mother in your prayers.

Happy New Year...

2008-02-14T17:17:00.003-05:00

Yes, I am fully aware that I am a good month and a half late and "Happy Valentine's Day" would have been a rather more appropriate beginning. But we can debate that another time. Right now, I need to get to this blog entry, caused by my wife (as in, she told me: "You need to blog").

You might wonder why she would do such a thing. Well... because, when everything is said and done, I remain a geek. She let me go without blogging when I starting doing online research on freestyle swimming technique (because, quite frankly, I was wanted to get faster in my workouts). She overlooked the fact that I decided to start making yogurt (in fairly large quantities, because I happen to like yogurt and I happen to like my yogurt unadulterated by fruit, gelatin, or any other additives). However, when I told her what I did with my laptop, she finally had it and sent me blogging.

For years I have run Fedora Linux on my laptop. For the most part, it did what I needed it to do. Every once in a while, however, the tweaks and twists that the Fedora developers put on the software meant that it sometimes broke what was working. So, when I tried to install the Eclipse IDE (which, by the way, I really like) and it caused a Java error trying to validate some html code, I had enough. So I backed up my home directory and decided to try Ubuntu. Unfortunately, both methods I tried for installing a specific amd64 system froze. So I resorted to the default - OpenSuSE, which has been running flawlessly (as part of a dual-boot system) at church.

So far, so good... but then I started thinking... All this stuff that just works straight out of the box, it just isn't fun. I need a Linux distro that I can do stuff with. After poking around a bit, I settled on ArchLinux. So, after re-partitioning the hard-drive by hand, I started installing ArchLinux as a dual-boot. Now, ArchLinux does not come with a graphical interface by default (not in the CD install, anyway). So I had to poke around, install graphical passages, find the proper drivers for the graphics card and working settings for the display (sometimes changing files by hand, doing some trial and error, educated guessing, etc). Now I was having fun.

It took most of one of my days off, but right now I am the happy owner of a dual-boot Linux machine. OpenSuSE to do the work I need to get done at home, and ArchLinux to have fun with. And, as a side comment, the pacman updating program for ArchLinux blows both yum (Fedora) and yast2 (OpenSuSE) out of the water when it comes to speed. Just one of the fun things you find out when you embrace your inner geek.

Important lesson they don't teach you at seminary

2007-10-01T19:11:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, before the start of service, Fr. James hands me a 9V battery - just in case the one in my portable microphone ran out in the middle of the service. I put it in my pocket and, since the other battery held up just fine, promptly forgot it there. And it could have ended there, if not for the fact that this morning, upon getting to church, I put my keys in the same pocket as the forgotten battery. About ten minutes later my leg started to itch in a rather unusual way. I tried to figure out what was going on and, to my surprise, I found the right side of my pants being rather warm. Baffled, I reached inside the pocket, only to find a very hot 9V battery. Ah, physics and the beauty of short-circuits...

New beginnings

2007-09-03T10:56:00.000-04:00

It has been over a month since our quick detour to Romania. After driving 3500 miles in a 26-foot truck in five driving days (plus two "off" days dedicated mostly to packing and loading the stuff in Boston) and after driving up to Savannah for the ordination, back to Clearwater, then up to Atlanta for the flight... I said to Magda: "Ah, now I can relax and not drive for three weeks." Little did I know that, due to various activities related to my brother finishing high school and starting college, I would be given the keys to the car to drive around the country. We didn't go into Bucharest, but where we did go, the traffic was manageable and it was certainly fun to drive a stick shift again. All in all it was a pretty good trip - seeing my mother and brother in Constanţa, my aunt and uncle in Bacău, and visiting several monasteries (Neamţ, Sihăstria, Sihla, Agapia, Putna, and Voroneţ).

Upon returning - and driving back from Atlanta - I was ready to get started at Holy Trinity. It's been just over a month; a month in which my father came to visit (and I very much appreciate the fact that he came here for his vacation this time, rather than going home), my mother-in-law was here for a couple of days, and I started learning about parish life. As always, I'm keeping busy. But more about that later, as some of the programs that I am involved with (re)start. For now, please pray for us, for Fr. James (the proistamenos) and for the parish we serve.

Ordination

2007-07-01T21:36:00.000-04:00

Fr. Andrew seems to be keeping rather close tabs on what is going on in the Orthodox world in America. I hadn't even made it home from the ordination that he had left a comment on a previous post... In any case, June 29, my name day, the feast of Sts. Peter and Paul I was ordained to the holy priesthood as Fr. Peter at St. Paul Greek Orthodox Church in Savannah, Georgia by His Eminence Metropolitan Alexios of Atlanta. It was truly a joy to serve with His Eminence - a bright light in the sort of month I would not wish upon my enemies - and I look forward to my future service in the Church. Below are two pictures from the service.

Holy Cross - a first wrap-up of sorts

2007-05-24T20:58:00.000-04:00

Things I will not miss:

That, hard as it may be to distinguish, is a rather large turkey roosting in a tree outside our balcony. Today it woke up before 5am, with some urgent news that had to be announced to the entire surrounding area... Considering that we saw about ten of them at one time, I suppose things could be worse.

That being said, there are many more things that I will miss:

Both the chapel and the barely-visible hawks atop the cross have provided a sense of beauty and awe over the years. Then, there is my classmates' sense of humor. Next year's SGA president has (by coincidence) a parking spot that is only two spots away from the parking spot of the university president. Which, of course, brought about the following idea:

But in the end, we do come back to nature

The picture above was taken from our balcony. On Sunday, as we were leaving for church, Magda stopped me and said "You need to go back." Four deer were grazing, not twenty meters from the road. They looked at us, as if to say "Could we have our breakfast?" and continued their leisurely Sunday morning.

Red Sox and Graduation

2007-05-15T12:10:00.000-04:00

It really wouldn't be right for me to leave Boston without mentioning the Red Sox. In a very unlikely turn of events, Magda and I went to last night's game against the Tigers. I guess if you're only going to see one game, Daisuke Matsuzaka's first complete game is a pretty good one. And overall it was a pretty good game, with things staying close until the eighth. I couldn't quite figure out why the Tigers brought back Robertson for the fifth - he'd gotten hit hard in the fourth and it continued in the fifth, even though he only gave up one run in each. All in all, it was a pretty fun evening.

In unrelated news, I got sent to the principal's office. Well, not quite - I got called to the dean's office to be told that I will be this year's Holy Cross valedictorian. That means one more chance for me to get in trouble before leaving campus (the graduation speech). :)

Concert

2007-05-12T09:14:00.000-04:00

Last night the "Deacon's Singers" had the last concert of which Magda and I will be a part. It was a joint performance with the campus Greek dance troupe - another student-led group that has enriched life here on campus. The joint program:

Christ is Risen (Slavonic, Latin, Romanian)
You Are the New Day (John David)
Alma Redemptoris Mater (Tomas Luis de Victoria)
If Ye Love Me (Thomas Tallis)
Paschal Exapostilarion (Bulgarian melody)

Omorfoula
Leventikos
Zaramo
Macedonian Syrtos

Intermission

Zeibekiko
Pentozali
Thracian Karsylamas
Dodecanese Syrtos

Et La La La (Ninot le Petit)
Die Nachtigall (Felix Mendelssohn)
Sweet Adeline (Harry Armstrong)
The Long Day Closes (Arthur Sullivan)
Christ is Risen (English, Greek, English)

A few thoughts, now that our time here is over. It takes a lot of effort to organize a choir - especially a small one, at a school where everyone's schedule is overloaded - but it can be done :). We've done a few challenging pieces of music over the three semester and if we had more time than the one hour we had for rehearsal each week, we could have done a lot more: the ability was there. Finally, this past semester, out of need, I took over conducting duties and it was a steep learning curve. However, it was also a great opportunity to learn to listen, count, and sing at the same time and to start thinking (towards the end of the semester) of how I would like to approach each piece. Towards the end I had actually gotten to the point where I could enjoy conducting, rather than hanging on for dear life...

And that brings to a close another interesting chapter. To be continued :)

Are you being served?

2007-05-10T18:20:00.000-04:00

Ever since about 11:30 today I've been telling people that I feel like Mr. Humphreys.

Cpt. Peacock: Mr. Humphreys, are you free?
Mr. Humphreys (in a high pitched voice): I'm free.

I've taken my last exam (I'm free :) and while (at Fr. Nick's request) I will not say for ever, for right now four degrees certainly seems like more than enough.

Questions

2007-02-01T12:36:00.000-05:00

If you lived close to an Orthodox seminary/school of theology:

1. What sort of services that the school could provide for the community at large (e.g., evening classes, chant workshops, etc.) would you participate in?

2. What would be the best way for the school to advertise these services so that *you* would find out about them?

Cooking... sort of

2007-01-20T21:35:00.000-05:00

Today, Magda was learning to make baklava. In the process she and her baklava instructor prepared clarified butter. I was intrigued as to the make-up of clarified butter, so I looked it up. The third link led me to what has quickly become a favorite page for both of us...

New Year

2007-01-01T18:38:00.000-05:00

A whole semester has gone by since the last post. In the mean time, papers have been written, and a computer has crashed (long live the computer). Holes have been dug in the rocky soil of our holy hill and a railing was put in on campus (that project is responsible for about a month and a half of blog silence - not enough strength/time left for blogging when all was said and done). We had another concert with our little choir - we still have a lot of work to do, but we are getting better and we even have a recording to measure things against.

It's been quite busy. Now, there's one more semester to go till graduation. Hopefully there will be a little more time for blogging. Happy New Year.

Adventures in Deaconing

2006-09-23T22:15:00.000-04:00

Episode 1: The Elevation of the Holy Cross

I served as second deacon for hierarchical Vespers with Archbishop Demetrios and, for uniformity, I was wearing one of the vestment sets belonging to the Archdiocese (Dn. Nathaniel and I were wearing matching vestments). The only problem was that at one point, in the middle of the service, the orarion got caught on a door handle and the button from the sticharion broke. As I was about to go out the door for a set of petitions, there wasn't much that could be done. So I had a rather interesting experience going through the petitions and watching the orarion slowly slide towards the back and towards the outside of my left shoulder. I think I ended the petitions with my left shoulder significantly higher than my right. Thankfully the orarion held just enough...

Episode 2: Leave-taking of the Elevation of the Holy Cross

The calendar said Vespers (which, around here, means small Vespers, as Great Vespers are indicated as such), the priest was ready for small Vespers, so I put on my exorasson, wore an orarion, and went out for the first set of petitions. Now, let me tell you that it is a bit unnerving to watch the people who are in charge of the chapel come to the candle holders and put seven candles in each as you are saying "For the peace of the whole world... " So here I am, in vested for small Vespers and all of a sudden I am in the middle of Great Vespers. Thankfully, there are several sets of vestments in the chapel, so between the first set of petitions and the censing at "Let my prayer" I was re-vested appropriately.

Phew.

Greek inspiration

2006-08-21T21:34:00.000-04:00

Today was one of those days when the brain kept short-circuiting. It started in chapel, when I asked: "Today is the 21st, right?" and promptly turned the Menaion to the Kontakion and Ikos of the 22nd. It continued with me picking up the scissors to cut some index cards in two, putting it on the table and starting to put it back in its place without having cut anything. It culminated in this exchange in Greek class, upon pondering the fact that the word άτομο can mean both person and atom:

Me: So three atoms walk into a bar. The bartender says: "What will it be?" The first atom replies: "Nothing, my head is spinning." The second atom replies in kind: "Nothing for me, either, I'm already charged." I don't know what the third atom would say...

Dn. A.: "I'll have a double whiskey. I'm feeling negative."

Now this was an extemporaneous exchange... it was that kind of a day.

Basketball, physics and probability

2006-08-18T23:08:00.000-04:00

Tonight, a few of us here on campus decided to get together for a little game. I went down from the weight room to the basketball court and took a couple of balls with me, knowing that others were going to join me shortly. Now, I should mention that our gym has two hoops at the two ends (which usually remain in the normal playing position) and four more, which are usually raised up at about a 45 degree angle and somewhere in the region of 17-20 feet off the floor.

As I was waiting for people to come, I figured I'd take a couple of shots at the raised hoops. My second shot bounced off the rim, then off the backboard and then settled firmly and nonchalantly at the place where the rim joins the backboard. Of course, I did not panic. After all, I had brought two balls down. So I grabbed the second ball and shot it - I missed the other ball completely. Not one to give up easily, I shot again. The ball bounced off the front off the rim, off the top of the first ball, and very neatly came to rest to form a stack of two balls stuck 17 feet in the air.

Never mind the fact that I completely lost it and basically rolled on the floor laughing, nor that a couple of people wanted to leave the assembly up there until we could find a camera, but I think I can try for the remainder of my time at school and not do that again...

Basketball and Church

2006-08-11T23:21:00.000-04:00

I started playing basketball when I was about five... maybe six. I can still remember trying to dribble the ball and jumping up and down as the ball bounced and having very limited success in managing to keep it under control. Over the years, I devoted as much time to basketball as I could without letting it take away from my academic endeavors. Sometimes that meant I could play two hours a day, five days a week, sometimes I'd be away from the game for two weeks, even a month. Often I would take the time to just work on little details on my own - changing the angle at which I held the elbow, releasing the ball a fraction of a second earlier, making sure my right shoulder turned just a little bit more to square off on a turnaround jumper...

A funny thing happened in over twenty years of playing and especially working over little details. The basketball court became like a home. I would step over the line and the world would disappear. It still does. As I got closer to the Church, I realized that, in a way, the basketball court is, for me, a little like a church...

(jump) Lord Jesus Christ (release) Son of God (clank) have mercy on me a sinner... (return to the same spot and repeat).

I thoroughly enjoy the challenge of a game. And yet, there is something about being in the gym, alone, putting up shot after shot, working on the litte details, that defies description. There is quiet among the sounds of the ball bouncing and swishing through the net and in that quiet there is room for prayer, for thought, for patience to wait through the missed shots until everything feels like second nature again.

(jump) Lord Jesus Christ (release) Son of God (swish) have mercy on me a sinner... (return to the same spot and repeat).

Greek Class

2006-08-09T16:29:00.000-04:00

Just like last year, my August is taken up by an intensive Greek class. 9-4, Monday through Friday (with an hour's break for lunch) we get as close to immersion into Greek as we could without actually going to Greece. It can get a little tiring, but I think it's the best way for me to learn Greek. Sometimes, however, it does seem like it would take a superhero's level of energy to make it through the day... something like He-man: "By the power of Alpha and Beta, I have the Greekness." No special visual effects required.

Byzantine Music and Ice-cream

2006-07-14T12:32:00.000-04:00

Yesterday my wife requested some "doing-a-contract theme music" for her work. Naturally, I offered to help, leading to the following exchange:

Magda: Pistachio ice cream mode.

Me: Sounds like plagal of the first to me. I would say more, but I'll save it for tomorrow

Magda: ?? How does pistachio ice cream mode sound like plagal of the first???

Me: Well, if you must know, it is not the simple, classic goodness of chocolate ice cream (plagal fourth). Nor it is the exquisite mint-chocolate (third) [...] It is good, but it is a bit different - so therefore, plagal of the first. I think first would be something really simple and straight-forward, like vanilla.

Unfortunately, I am not much of a connoisseur of ice-cream, so my comparisons ended there. I kept thinking that second mode would have to be something that seems straight forward but has a twist, plagal second something Oriental, fourth something rather unexciting, and grave (in its "natural" form) something that takes some getting used to. Any suggestions?

Random thoughts

2006-07-04T12:27:00.000-04:00

I have spent a good chunk of the last month trying to learn the "dance" (as a fellow deacon described it) of the services. In the process, I have come to understand why the Church tradition has a newly ordained clergyman serve forty liturgies in a row (when possible): by the time the forty days are over, the service will most likely have become second nature. However, serving forty liturgies in a row isn't always possible.

The animals around campus make for interesting happenings. Take, for example the hawks who live around here and, by their account, probably own the place. For the better part of two years we had managed not to see them and Magda's first encounter with them was when one flew a couple of feet above her head as it was coming to land on a tree branch. A couple of nights ago we saw one of the hawks sitting on one of the arms of the cross atop the chapel surveying the territory and it was a beautiful sight - it's amazing to watch them spread their wings to take off.

Or, take for another example the four deer that were walking across the soccer field a couple of weeks ago, or the one that came out in broad daylight to admire the children's playground and was very suprised to find me walking by. And then there was the raccoon who was eating out of a paper bag near the playground. Magda did her best growling to separate it from the bag (which we threw away), but even then it only went a couple of meters away. When Magda found a little water bottle, she threw it towards the raccoon in the hope that it would make it go away. No such luck. It looked (rather bored, at that) towards the bottle; when it landed it went over to see what it was and just kept hanging around. We gave up at that point.

Finally, a World Cup thought. After the clinic of "How to defend a penalty shot" that Lehmann and Ricardo put on in their respective shoot-outs, it was rather disappointing to see the final end up with both goalkeepers chasing flies on pretty much every shot. There's always South Africa... :)

The Story of an Ordination - Part II

2006-06-09T21:42:00.000-04:00

So then the time came. I was led to the middle of the royal doors and the bowl and pitcher were taken away from me. Metr. Iakovos asked if I had anything to say. I had decided that I would not read anything, so I tried to remember what I had thought about. I realized as soon as I finished speaking and Metr. Iakovos started that I had forgotten a few things, but, God willing, I'll have one more chance.

My memory of the next few minutes is somewhat fuzzy, as things all of a sudden went from a crawl to what seemed to be a frantic pace. Fr. George, Fr. Dean, Fr. Alexios and Dn. Vasilios then took turns leading me around the table, to kiss the corners of the altar table, the bishop's hand and his epigonation. The prayer followed and I cannot quite describe the mix of feelings that went through my heart and head. I felt happy, I felt unworthy, and I felt at home. Before I knew it, I was up, my vestments were cast upon me, I had the Liturgikon in my hand and...

Well, here there was a glitch. The Greek/English Liturgikon I have does not have the full set of petitions that come right after the ordination; rather it has the abbreviated set that is usually done on a Sunday in the Greek Archdiocese. So I had put together a sheet of papers with the petitions in both Greek and English (using Dn. Athanasios' cards and the Antiochian Liturgikon), and left the sheet of paper in the vicinity of said Antiochian Liturgikon. Unfortunately, I found myself holding the Antiochian Liturgikon without the sheet, which meant that I had no Greek text to go by. Thankfully, Fr. Alexios was ever alert and ran 'backstage' to hand me the paper with the petitions.

Two points to note at this moment. Metr. Iakovos prefers his deacons to enter and exit the altar through the royal gates at this point in the liturgy, so that was an unexpected element. However, this, and the rest of the liturgy - including the final preparations for the Eucharist - were made much simpler and less stressful by the clear directions of Dn. Vasilios. Needless to say, I was grateful.

I read a fair amount of Greek at first sight and I think I did alright. Then it was time for Communion. Metr. Iakovos allowed me to give communion. The first person to come was Magda. I said "The servant of God, Magdalene...", Dn. Vasilios, who was holding the cloth, completed my words: "diakonissa," and I finished "...receives the Body and Blood of Christ unto remission of sins and life everlasting." I found myself smiling almost despite myself. Needless to say, that is not something I will soon forget.

The Liturgy was soon over and Fr. Alexios greeted me with a smile: "Welcome to the ministry." All I could do was smile and give him a hug. Hristos, one of the chanters, came into the altar with one of the biggest smiles that I have ever seen, said "Axios" and hugged me before I could even say anything.

As people received the antidoron, Metr. Iakovos sent Magda and me to the middle of the church so people could greet us as they went out. We knew most of them and it was a great blessing to see them again and to have them share in our joy. Catherine was glowing, Mary was almost in tears and all I could do was thank God for these people with whom I had shared five and a half years.

And there it is, the story of my ordination to the diaconate. May our great God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, allow me to serve Him worthily and may He keep and bless the many people who have helped me get here.

The Story of an Ordination - Part I

2006-06-07T22:46:00.000-04:00

Sunday June 4, I woke up around 7am, read a few prayers by myself and a few with my wife and prepared to go to church. We left our koumbaroi's house around 8:20, picked up my in-laws and headed to St. Andrew in South Bend. I felt a couple of butterflies around the time I entered the church, but by and large, everything felt normal. The three priests who were in town that day were there early and we began Orthros. I had been undecided on whether or not I should chant for Orthros, but on the spot I decided that I would.

Metropolitan Iakovos came early, as well - he was there around the end of the six psalms and he told me to go out and continue chanting until the time came, when the priests and the deacon would call me into the altar. So Magda and I stayed and chanted for Orthros (she did a wonderful job). I chanted the Doxastikon and I should have had a pretty good idea right then that it was going to be a truly blessed day. I have improvised the melody for many hymns in my years of chanting, but I have never felt the melody flowing quite the way it did on Sunday.

At the end of the Doxastikon I was called in the altar, where I put on the hetona and waited while the metropolitan went to the bishop's throne. It was a brief time, but it was long enough to think about the past ten years and the path my life had taken. It could have been so different. I could have failed at so many points; I could have continued to refuse to come to the seminary; I could have been in so many other places. For a minute or two I was overwhelmed and nervous, just thinking about all that. Then they came to get me (I do not remember which of the clergy), they put the crystal bowl and pitcher in my hands and took me to the bishop's throne. And everything stopped.

I could barely contain a smile as I stood in front of Metropolitan Iakovos, dressed in a white cloth and holding a fairly heavy container of water. This thing that had terrified me in the past, which I had tried to avoid as I studied computer science, had come to be the only thing that would make sense. The journey on which God had taken me brought me here - not because I deserved it but because He chose me, the unworthy sinner, to serve His Church - and I felt at peace. I washed the bishop's hands, he placed the towel over my head, and I was taken to the icon of Christ.

There were many thoughts in that time - from the mundane ones that kept trying to intrude (holding a *breakable* and relatively heavy pitcher of water while under a towel will, under the best of circumstances, slow down the perceived speed of the chanters at least three times) to the sobering (with a towel overhead, most of what I saw was feet - the clergy in the altar and, most importantly, Christ's feet in the icon in front of me - the feet whose shoelaces St. John the Baptist said he was unworthy to untie, and yet, in a little while, I would be holding the body of Christ in my hand).

After the great entrance I was led to the icon of the Theotokos. On his way in, Fr. Dean - who was a picture of calm and joy throughout the entire Liturgy - made sure to ask whether I was okay. I replied in the affirmative, disregarding the one incident where I almost had the pitcher fall out of the bowl (I think the bottom of the bowl was not quite as flat on the inside as it was on the outside). The rest of the time between my transition to the icon of the Theotokos and the ordination is mostly a blur. I remember stretching my fingers to regain circulation and moving my arms which, by then, were beginning to hurt, but not much else.

End of semester musings

2006-05-19T13:39:00.000-04:00

As I was walking back from my last final of the semester, I was two deer come running from behind our house and cross the bottom of the little cul de sac where we live. It was quite an unexpected sight, especially in broad daylight (the only other time I saw deer was about three weeks ago, around 10pm).

It is interesting to see the classes of '56 and '81 come back to campus. Today, the class of '56 served for the Liturgy and I don't remember if there were six or seven priests, but at some point it struck me: put together, they had over 300 years of priesthood among them.

Finally, I had been "wondering" about this for a while. If, while here, we are semi-narians, do we, at graduation, become full narians?

Musical Beginnings

2006-05-13T19:26:00.000-04:00

This semester, a few of us students and spice (plural of spouse, obviously) got together to begin an a-capella ensemble here at Holy Cross. On Thursday we teamed up with several of the campus children who had been taking violin lessons and we had a concert. I have to admit that I had been rather worried about pulling it off, but in the end it turned out pretty well (and I am saying this not having seen the recording one of the parents made - I might change my mind after seeing it).

The program for the first concert of the HC/HC Chorale:

An Die Musik - Franz Schubert
Salve Regina - Franz Schubert
The Last Rose of Summer - traditional
Nobody Knows - traditional
Rejoice, O Virgin - Rachmaninoff

Here's to many more!

Seminary life

2006-05-07T22:16:00.000-04:00

I have one more year here, so it may be a bit early to start thinking of things I will miss once I'm gone, but this is definitely one of them: coming home from chapel with one seminarian or another and, as we go to our apartments on different sides of the street, shouting "Christ is risen" in as many languages as we can remember.

Brief update

2006-05-06T19:44:00.000-04:00

It's been a hectic three weeks or so. Holy Week was truly blessed. We were in Pensacola, FL at the Annunciation Church. Magda felt right at home back in the South, the people were friendly and very active in church life, the church itself was beautiful, and the weather was ideal. Thank God for such a week and many thanks (which will hopefully be put into writing this weekend) to everyone in Pensacola.

Bright week was a continuation - I was on chant duty at the school, so I think I have a pretty good handle on the (quite different) services of that week. This week, I'm trying to get ready for a choir concert this coming Thursday and looking towards finishing up the semester.

I hope that by next weekend things will have cleared up a bit, so blogging can be slightly more regular and more substantive. We shall see.

Prayers requested

2006-04-17T13:06:00.000-04:00

I have been tentatively scheduled to be ordained to the holy diaconate on June 4th. Please pray for me, the unworthy sinner.

I'm a Byzantine Music geek

2006-04-04T23:12:00.000-04:00

Magda was reading "Seven Kisses in a Row" and she had me read the last couple of pages. At the end there's a little lullaby, which I proceeded to sight-read. She made a comment as to my nerdiness, to which I could only reply "What, it's in plagal of the fourth, from Γα." It was immediately brought to my attention that I was not allowed to talk any more. :)

Technology and prayer; The Orthodox Church and pro sports

2006-04-03T20:42:00.000-04:00

I had been meaning to post on technology and prayer for quite a while and got delayed repeatedly, I'll try to summarize my thoughts.

There is a lot to be said for technology. It makes possible things that we wouldn't even have dreamed of a couple of generations ago (like this post) and it generally makes life easier. It is in this latter characteristic that the greatest danger of technology lies. When things get easier we have more time on our hands and we have a tendency to misuse this time - perhaps by doing something that we should not be doing, or by doing nothing at all. It seems to me that there is great wisdom in the monastic practice of doing manual labor.

As strange as it may seem, prevention of idleness, even physical idleness in the beginning, is an important element of spiritual growth. The Fathers knew well that, just as nature does not support a void, neither does the human spirit. In the end, we cannot be doing "nothing." A "nothing" would tend to be filled by a "something" and more often than not, if left to our own devices, this "something" is going to be a negative (idle talk, envy, infidelity, etc.). Thus, the Fathers crafted their lives and the lives of those in their care leaving little void - manual work, prayer, sleep, taking care of the needs; these all were put together to allow the struggler on God's way to ward off the temptations.

Where does technology come in all this? It seems to me (after talking to a couple of priests I respect) that technology can be a valuable aid, with the caveat that it needs to remain an aid, rather than a replacement. Both priests expressed similar views with regard to a question I posed regarding a recording of the Jesus prayer: it can be valuable as long as it is used as a tool to appropriate the prayer. We have the tendency to allow technology to do the work for us. However, the nature of the spiritual struggle is ascetical; we can use technology to help us struggle, but we cannot let technology do the work for us and make progress.

------------------------------------------------------

On a different note, Magda and I were contemplating the student loans. She mentioned that the larger of the two loans could be paid off by the time I graduate. I thought that would be a bit of a stretch and from there the discussion took a rather interesting turn... ending up with us postulating the following process of priest assignment, televised on ESPN 5.

"With the first pick, the Minnetonka Holy Apostles Church selects..."

TV analyst: "That is a good fit for Holy Apostles, who have a lot of room under the salary cap and should be able to sign their pick. Remember, this year signing bonuses are projected to rise about 4.5%"

The Second Sunday of Lent

2006-03-23T18:41:00.002-05:00

This Sunday I once again had the opportunity to offer the sermon. Since, due to lack of time, a long thought about post on technology and prayer has been delayed (hopefully not beyond the coming weekend), here are my thoughts for the Second Sunday of Lent.

"And they came, bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men. And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him; and when they had made an opening, they let down the pallet on which the paralytic lay." We heard this passage in today's Gospel reading. Compare it with the story of another paralytic, who says, speaking to Jesus, "Sir, I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me." The second paralytic needed a circle of friends, a family that would help him be healed of the infirmity which had been troubling him for thirty eight years. Each one of us is in the position of the paralytic – in need of family and friends. Most of us, thankfully, have family and friends around us. Sometimes, we forget, however, that we are also part of the family of Christ. Christ told us to love one another as He loved us, to carry each other's burdens, as He carried our sins. In today's Gospel, the friends of the paralytic show us the kind of love that Christ speaks about: they carried the paralytic on his bed to the top of the house, removed the roof, and lowered him in the middle of the assembly. The friends of the paralytic literally, in their love for him, brought him to God, to be healed.

Throughout the history of the Church we find many examples of pastors who have brought their faithful to God, bringing them healing in the process. Our Church commemorates today, on the second Sunday of Lent, one such pastor: St. Gregory Palamas. St. Gregory was born in a wealthy family, but from an early age was attracted to the monastic life. He became a monk on mount Athos and spent long most of each week in solitary prayer. On the weekend, however, he and other monks would meet for the celebration of the Eucharist. St. Gregory would have wanted to finish his life as a monk, living the quiet life of prayer. However, he was a holy, well-educated, and eloquent man. His wisdom and holiness became known, and he was chosen to be Archbishop of Thessaloníki. At Thessaloníki, St. Gregory found a divided city, in the midst of a popular revolt which prevented him from entering the city for three years. Yet St. Gregory waited, and once he could enter the city, he worked was a true shepherd of his flock. He worked for peace, he worked for the poor, and, when he died, he left behind him a healed city, united in their admiration for their holy bishop. The city itself had been paralyzed and St. Gregory acted as the friends of the paralytic had done, lifted the city up, and brought it before God to be healed.

We see in the Gospel reading for today and in the life of St. Gregory two facets of the same coin. We are all in need of healing, both individually and as a community. Sometimes the community brings us before God to be healed and at other times we are called to be the ones healing the community. Some have an illness, others a passion, like anger, or envy; if we are truly honest with ourselves, we will admit that we are all in need of healing. The Holy Spirit who breathes life into our Holy Church always gives us today cause for hope. Here, in the Church, we love one another and bear one another's burdens. When we are frail and in need of help, we ask our friends to lift us up, and bring us before God to be healed. And there is hope even in the darkest hour, for St. Gregory Palamas shows us that one single man, by the grace of God, can succeed in the most unlikely of circumstances. This hope is based on a very simple, yet very difficult principle: we have to seek God and to be willing to hear His voice and His will for our lives. We see these in today's gospel and the life of St. Gregory.

We see that the paralytic and his friends were looking for Jesus, having faith in His power to heal. It is not only an honest search, but a very thorough one. I think you would agree that removing the roof of the house and lowering the bed through the opening would not be the first thing that comes to mind when thinking of how to get close to Jesus. We can assume, therefore, that the paralytic and his friends tried to get close to Jesus by other means – approaching him in the street, entering the door – yet, for some reason they failed. Instead of giving up, however, we see that they seek even harder. And this seeking is rewarded with more than the physical health of the paralytic. Jesus forgives the paralytic's sins and sends him, healed, on his way.

St. Gregory Palamas also sought God throughout his life. Like most of us, he had a particular idea of what his search for God would look like and a particular plan for his life. Unlike most of us, his plan included praying alone, on a mountain, in the quiet of Mount Athos. Yet God's plan for St. Gregory called him away from that life of solitude and thrust him into the middle of the theological, political, and economic unrests of his time. And St. Gregory responded to that call with a continual "Here I am, Lord." He worked to defend the faith, to bring peace, and to feed the poor. He came to God to be healed and brought healing to countless others. The time spent in prayer and in contemplating the mysteries of God allowed him to understand that God's ways often do not conform to the ways of the world. Sometimes, God calls us to come to Him by removing the roof of the house and lowering ourselves down, rather than simply by opening the door and coming in. Now, if next week you plan on coming to church through the roof of this beautiful building, please clear it with Fr. Andrew first.

In the end, the honest and thorough search of the paralytic and his friends led to his healing. St. Gregory's openness to God's will in his life led him to a truly blessed life and the everlasting love and respect of the Church. The Church is here to direct our search for God in our individual lives and to open our hearts up to hear His voice in our lives. She does this through her prayer life, through her moral guidance, and especially through the sacraments. Let us be partakers in this life that the Church sets in front of us and may we open our hearts to hear God's voice and be healed through the prayers of St. Gregory Palamas archbishop of Thessaloníki, and to the glory of God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Amen.

Random notes

2006-03-12T18:14:00.000-05:00

It seems that the South is fertile ground for Orthodoxy. Yesterday morning we had Liturgy and a number of the Ecumenical Patriarchate archons were here for a weekend retreat. Fr. Nick, the president of the school, took the time to introduce the few students who were there (this week is spring break here). Not counting those whose place of origin is abroad (three of us, plus the celebrating priest), all but one of the others hailed from Texas (2), Georgia (2), Florida (2), Alabama, South Carolina (2), and North Carolina.

***

This morning the Liturgy at St. Vasilios in Peabody had a rather different flavor with forty or so members of the Rachmaninoff Choir joining in to sing for the service. On a different note, the psalm we chant prior to communion (by the chanters), was started about a sixth higher than written. Now that was an experience.

***

We had been looking for soy smoothies in the stores, but since we couldn't find them at our regular stores (BJs, Whole Foods, Stop 'N' Shop), we decided and make some. This got rave reviews from Magda: about 150 grams of strawberries, 1 can of frozen juice (in this case wildberry flavored juice from Stop 'N' Shop, which I only later discovered was mostly high fructose corn syrup...), and about half a liter of soy milk.

Thoughts from the beginning of Lent

2006-03-07T14:23:00.000-05:00

We are less than two days into Great Lent, but these two days have been a blessed time. When we say Lent, the first thing that comes to mind is fasting and indeed, the first week of Lent is a particularly austere time. Most of us are not able to eat just two meals from Monday through Friday, as Bp. Kallistos Ware notes in the Lenten Triodion. However, all of us, if we are honest about our fasting efforts, will experience a certain degree of hunger during this period. Personally, I have been fasting for a number of years and I have felt this hunger, but it wasn't until this year that I finally thought about it.

There are two particular messages which I had known before, but which are now, by the grace of God, a more integral part of my life. The first thought with regard to hunger is that we come to realize how uncomfortable it is and this, if we live in the spirit of the Fast, cannot help but lead us to missions. If we know how difficult it is to go without food, can we have parishes without a program for feeding the hungry? We feel the hunger voluntarily; we have to think - in practical terms - of those who feel it because of the fallen nature of this world.

The second thought came to me when I finally noticed how often I needed to ward off thoughts of food. We have a phyical need for food, but we also have a spiritual need for God. It is true that physical needs are more easily noticed, but that only means that we need to become more attuned to our spiritual needs. If we think of food so often when we are hungry, we need to think of God just as often when we are in need of Him. And yet, it is exactly at those times that we are most likely to move away from Him.

A final thought, on a (slightly) different matter. The seminary is holding three days of continuous prayer to start the lenten season. I signed up for the 3-3:30am slot. It was an impulse of the moment - like a number of other things in life, whose meaning I did not understand until later. What I have found - something that the Fathers knew and spoke about - is that there is a different dimension to prayer in the middle of the night. Standing in front of the icons, alone in a little chapel with the prayer book at three in the morning, there is a particular intensity that is hard to describe. There is little light to distract your attention, there is no one else to share the space. It is just you and the icons and the words of the prayers come to life under the watchful eyes of Christ, His Mother, and the saints.

Have a blessed Lent.

Exchange of the day

2006-03-03T09:01:00.000-05:00

Somewhere around the Holy Cross chapel, yesterday morning ...

Me: Greetings
Mary: Greetings, earthling!
Me: Me, earthling?
Mary: Just kidding!

Out of the mouths of babes...

2006-02-27T09:21:00.000-05:00

One day last week the wife of a seminarian friend of mine came into chapel with their son (two or three years old) just as Vespers had ended. As he saw that they were late, tears came into his eyes and he said "But I want it to be church time." All of a sudden Jesus' words saying that we need to be like children made even more sense.

I just don't know

2006-02-20T14:53:00.000-05:00

What the wife says: "Should I play fiddle, or should I put on another shirt?"

What the wife means: "I'm cold."

In another line of thought, I can't understand why NBC plays mostly tape-delayed material even when they are broadcasting at an hour at which there is live action (except for, it seems, hockey). I would watch more if I didn't know the results ahead of time (which, thanks to eurosport.com and their live audio, I do for all tape delayed material).

End of a topic

2006-02-20T12:13:00.000-05:00

The semester is hectic as always, so I will finish rather more briefly than I had originally intended and, consequently, I may have to revisit this topic in the future to clarify a few things.
However, given the way this semester is going...

The Orthodox Church takes seriously the freedom of the Holy Spirit. We have the belief that the Spirit was present in the creation of the world, spoke through the prophets and continues to act through history. It is the Holy Spirit who is guiding the world (history) towards the final eschatological end. Because of this, I am not ready to say that the efforts that we are making towards recovering our original unity are entirely futile. However, it seems to me that they will not be successful either, until we realize our both our shortcomings and the Person in whom our shortcomings can be overcome. However, this is the responsibility of each person. More often than not the people in the places of authority are reflections of the people.

The above is part of the reason why becoming a priest is something that I pray for and eagerly await, while at the same time being something that I hold in awe. The priests are often the image of God for the parishioners - they need to reflect God as much as possible, including having a theological view of world events (again, trying to draw closer to God and see His reality), Otherwise, the faithful will not have examples for their formation as Christians living in today's world. I guess I'm beginning to understand (a little bit) why St. John Chrysostom gave so many reasons for not becoming a priest, yet, in the end, devoted his life to being one.

Continuation

2006-02-12T20:27:00.000-05:00

I mentioned in the previous post that there is one true reality, God´s perspective. Our journey in life is, or should be, a journey towards unity in that perspective. Our separate, individual realities create separation and division, as we clearly see around us. It is no surprise that the devil, in Greek, means the one who divides. The devil´s work in this world is exactly that - to divide.

Humanity as a whole feels the effects of the division - our awkward efforts at overcoming it attest to this. The problem that I see - from my imperfect reality - is that our efforts are more often than not based on one of two precepts: that one particular imperfect reality should prevail, or that we should average our imperfect realities. This is, from my perspective, very similar to the original fall - a story that keeps repeating itself through history: we try to achieve our meaning, our vocation for unity (more about that in my class notes on Christ in the Old Testament) apart from God.

More to come...

Reality and realities

2006-02-05T12:49:00.000-05:00

Communication is an interesting thing to study. Each person projects his own experience of the world into the words and gestures he uses. Unfortunately, this is quite often lost on the conversation partner, who instead projects his own experience of the world on the words and gestures he perceives. In a manner of speaking, each one of us lives in a unique reality, constructed by the physical reality present around us and the individual experience of that reality.

The existence of this 'individual' reality raises questions about the validity of each such reality. In a manner of speaking, each reality is indeed valid: each person has direct knowledge of 'his' reality only. However, because each such reality depends on personal experience, this reality is shaped by the prism of our fallen nature, which deforms true reality (godly, divine reality) into each personal reality. Since the personal reality is not absolute, it could easily be given another name (e.g., perception, understanding). However, this personal reality is often the only thing that a person can reference - for the person, it is reality. Therefore, I think the term 'personal reality' best describes the concept.

God sees into each of our hearts and knows our deepest secrets. We, on the other hand, can easily mis-attribute intentions to the people around us, because of our flawed perception of the world. In a similar vein we can misunderstand situations, words, events...

From the perspective of Orthodox theology, the concept of theosis relates directly to this differentiation between God's reality and our individual realities. As we draw closer to God, our viewpoint draw closer to His viewpoint; our personal reality becomes closer to the true reality. This brings me to what I believe to be the essence of communication.

On one hand there is the understanding that our own individual understandings of the world are flawed to a smaller or greater extent. This requires of us the humility and courage to be open to see our flaws and to change our understanding whenever we find such a flaw. On the other hand, this change can only take place by the grace of God; it needs a direct relationship with Him, in prayer and sacrament. It seems to me that this is the only way to correct our individual perspectives of life. At the same time, this also allows us to see (and understand) the realities that other people hold and interact with them, perhaps aiding them to draw closer to the true reality.

P.S. Speaking of different realities, here's mine (since several people have read too much into my previous post judging by e-mail and phone calls received - btw. Thank you all for the love and care you've shown): I had a long week and I got a little frustrated with how little I got done last week. In that context the frustration spilled over to the fact that we have long term loans to pay. I am not worried about how we're going to pay those loans. Magda has a good job and God's been gracious enough to provide more than we need. As I said in the post - the worries are unfounded.

Temptation

2006-02-03T19:10:00.001-05:00

The advice of St. Paul to pray unceasingly and the warnings of ascetical literature to always be on guard were given new meaning this week. I must admit to having relaxed somewhat in my vigilance, having gotten past the half-way point with my classes and with many of the more difficult classes already behind me. Of course, I should have known better.

My stay here isn't about classes (or it is very little about classes); it is, rather, about spiritual warfare. Granted, in theory I knew that; I needed this week, however, for that to become the type of knowledge that is more than theory. Between a minor inconvenience here, a couple of very busy days there, rather unfounded financial worries that kept coming back to my mind, and other minor nuisances, I had gotten to the point where I did not want to be in chapel for Liturgy for the Presentation of the Lord.

Thankfully, by the grace of God, I realized at that point that I needed to refocus on prayer. It was difficult and it still is - as some of my fellow seminarians like to remind themselves, seminaries are places where temptation always runs high. But I did make it to Liturgy yesterday and that made a big the difference.

It was a lesson hard learned, but thank God for it.

Frustration

2006-02-01T22:04:00.000-05:00

And then they ask you for your phone number (for the fifth time) so they can get back to you, which they haven't done so far. Lord have mercy.

Carpentry weekend

2006-01-29T13:35:00.000-05:00

It wasn't quite how I anticipated things going, but yesterday was a wonderful day. Magda went to a series of talks about the meaning of being a presbytera, given here on campus by several presbyteras and a couple of priests. She seems to have enjoyed it greatly and I'm hoping she will post on it at some point.

In the mean time, I stayed home and re-organized the bedroom closet, complete with buying wood, measuring and cutting to make two sets of shelves. Things that I have learned:

I enjoy working with wood
If the wood is not bent, I can do a decent job
I need to pay more attention to the quality of the wood when buying it
If I ever do something like this for a permanent home, it will be a week's project, rather than a day's.

In other words, the shelves are done, but it took a lot of adjusting for bent planks on one of the two sets of shelves and my joints are stiff from all the vibration they had to put up with yesterday.

Revelation(s)

2006-01-27T19:05:00.000-05:00

There is a definite difference between knowing something cognitively and actually having that knowledge be a part of your being. As a Christian, perhaps the most telling difference between the two is the difference between the knowledge that Christ was crucified and risen, and actually feeling His presence in your life.

This past Monday in our class Christ in the OT we were talking about Christianity and Judaism. The professor mentioned that there are a number of rabbinic texts which speak of two comings of the Messiah: one in humility and one in glory. The nuances of the two comings/appearances may vary, but the essence is present in a number of writings. In any case, the professor's point, was that the main difference between Judaism and Christianity is which coming is being awaited. Both religions are in a state of expectation, only for us as Christians, the humble Messiah has come in the presence of Christ and we were given glimpses of glory in His resurrection.

At that point it hit me. I had read that the early Christian community was very much eschatologically focused, expecting the return of Jesus. But it wasn't something that was part of my being, something that I felt, rather than knowing. Somehow at that point, when I heard it explained in those terms, I began to realize the expectant quality of Christianity. We believe in the risen Christ and we believe that those who die believing in Him will live in Him. Just as importantly, however, we believe in and expect His return in glory.

*************************

On a different note, my wife and I are watching the third season of the Dick van Dyke show on DVD. After a couple of episodes it dawned on me why it is one of my favorite sitcoms: in so many different ways, Magda and I are Rob and Laura Petrie.

New semester

2006-01-24T12:51:00.000-05:00

Just a quick update, now that the new semester has gotten under way. It still looks like a busy semester, though hopefully not as busy as the last one: Greek 2b, OT Exegesis: Psalms, Christ in the OT, Canon Law, Hospital Ministry for a total of 16.5 hours. Just as during the last two semesters, I'll be putting up notes on the classes on my wiki in case anyone is interested in seeing what we're learning.

Question of the Day

2006-01-07T11:05:00.000-05:00

Courtesy of the lovely wife who, after we had our new car blessed, asked:

Are you allowed to use the wipers on holy water?

:)

Hospital Ministry

2006-01-06T16:23:00.000-05:00

One of the most humbling experiences so far has been my hospital ministry. It is, at times, very difficult to face people whose entire lives have been turned upside down by illness or accident. It is just as difficult to encounter the patients who want to have nothing to do with people who in any way represent God. And then there are the other people, who bring inspiration not just for now, but for a long time to come; the people who remain hopeful and faithful despite long stays in the hospital, despite hardships and difficulties. In those cases, their presence is as much a ministry to me as my presence is to them and I can only thank God for showing me through them examples of faith.

Happy new Year

2005-12-31T18:53:00.000-05:00

It´s been quite a year and I can only pray that 2006 builds upon the foundation of 2005. Since I last posted, I've managed to get in trouble, thanks to this conversation:

Magda: Hey, look, it's Orion.
Me: It's always about the Irish, isn't it?
Magda: Huh?
Me: O´Ryan.
Magda: Go, run to the top of the hill. This is what you get for making horrible puns.

I've also managed to use 53 eggs in two recipes. One was a Romanian sweet-bread traditionally made at Christmas and Pascha (35 egg yolks for 12 loaves; using the egg whites was quite another adventure). The other was schnitzel and I used 18 more eggs in that. Nothing too exciting there, I just couldn't quite believe the number of eggs used.

There were many "bloggable" moments through the year that got lost either because I forgot them too soon or because I got too wrapped up in work and, while I would like to say that things will be rectified for the new year, I know better. That being said, a blessed new year to all of you.

pre-Christmas

2005-12-21T12:32:00.000-05:00

Well, the semester's over and I think I survived. I'll let you know when I find out with certainty. Beyond that, I am hoping my voice returns from its vacation, before this Saturday. I am spending the break mostly learning the Holy Week services in Greek and using the Rosetta Stone for modern Greek. The Rosetta Stone has been going well; the Holy Week services have hit a snag once my voice decided it needed some time away from me. There are a couple of articles I need to finish for OrthodoxWiki and I'll link to them when I finish (hopefully before the end of the year).

Quote

2005-12-13T10:56:00.000-05:00

I've had this for a while from my ethics professor and now that I'm reviewing for the final, I remebered that I liked it, so here it is.

"The pressing question for an Orthdoox ethical life was not whether to marry or remain single, but whether to marry or to 'take the veil.' I have come to feel certain that the universality of this rule and its consistent application accounts in part for the disappearance of adult baptism in Eastern Orthdooy. The 'adult confirmation' of your faith in Christ came when you were crazy enough to either trust him in monasticism, or to trust him in marriage, and this trust was ritually and publicly proclaimed in the sacrament of either tonsure or matrimony."

Phew

2005-12-12T22:09:00.000-05:00

What a day! Orthros and Liturgy - check. Provisional green card - check (Magda and I have been married less than two years, and thus the provisional status). New car - check. Vespers - check. I'm sure we couldn't have done it without the help of St. Spyridon, whose memory we celebrated today.

Taking Shortcuts (or how to inadvertently introduce liturgical innovation)

2005-12-11T22:27:00.000-05:00

Tonight we had Great Vespers for St. Spyridon and I was in charge of the right chant stand. I went a couple of minutes early, started getting ready for the service, and then we had to decide what we were going to do about the readings (we usually do one of the three readings in Greek). As we were deciding, a good friend of mine and overall wonderful person was on the other side setting up the English, even though the left chant stand was chanting in Greek this week. We finally decided that we would have the first reading on the left, in Greek, and the last two on the right, in English.

At this point, I decided to be lazy and not search for a Bible on the right side of the chapel. Instead, I went and asked if the readings were set on the left side. When I was told they were, I asked if I could take the Bible over to the right. I was told that I could and this is where I made my second short-cut: I did not check the readings. I took the Bible, asked a couple of the other students who were at the chant stand to read the second and the third readings and left it at that. Imagine the surprise (both on my part and that of the reader) when he opened the Bible to the third reading and out of his mouth came the words "The reading is from the Song of Solomon." Thank God the equivalent verses to the corresponding Wisdom of Solomon passage that should have been read were relatively tame. It would also help if it were called the Song of Songs, as other languages (e.g., Romanian) do.

I wonder what the odds are that a Song of Songs passage has been read liturgically previously in the US...

Santa Claus? Who, me?

2005-12-01T22:31:00.000-05:00

Tonight was the HC/HC Christmas party. Lots of singing, presents to the kids, fun stuff. But there was one moment I will never forget. I decided I would get into the spirit, so I wore my red bow tie and Santa hat (thank you, Notre Dame Glee Club). A few minutes after getting there, a mother with two children (I think) walked by. The boy, who was probably about four, saw me, grinned, his eyes got really big, and he waved at me and said: "Hi, Santa." I couldn't help smiling and ruffling his hair...

The Priesthood

2005-11-29T10:23:00.001-05:00

Throughout the semester we have been exploring various facets of the priesthood. We have looked at saints, saintly people, leadership consultants, and many others in an effort to discern more clearly what it means to be a priest serving the Triune God. Each had his own personal journey to the service of God and each journey is reflected in the way each person approaches the ministry. Inevitably, in addition to the readings, my own journey will influence my understanding of the priesthood. I am, barring the unexpected, still in the beginning stages of my journey, therefore I expect this understanding to change. Hence, this paper represents merely an account of my understanding of the priesthood as it is at this point in my journey.

For me, a discussion about the priesthood begins with St. John of Kronstadt. It is a personal choice, one whose ministry speaks to me in a very real manner. I have read a little about his life and a few parts of My Life in Christ, especially the parts relating to the Liturgy. His practice of the priesthood and the views he expressed in writing have strongly influenced my own vision of the priesthood. His energy and tireless work for the Church have often inspired me to try to emulate, to the best of my ability, his dedication. His love for people, regardless of their religious backgrounds, was an inspiration for me at a time when I was struggling with the question of how to interact with people of other faiths or denominations. St. John was completely dedicated to his flock and that work occupied the great majority of his time, yet he helped anyone who would come to him for help. The following story remained in my mind as soon as I read it the first time, and it illustrates, to me, the true spirit of the priesthood:

"One day, a Tartar woman brought her ailing husband in a cart and asked Fr. John to pray for him. Fr. John asked the woman whether she believed in God. When she answered in the affirmative, he said, "Let us pray together. You pray in your way and I shall pray in mine." Upon finishing his prayer, Fr. John blessed the Tartar woman. Getting back to her cart, the woman stopped in wonder because her husband was walking to meet her."

Of all the saints with whose lives and writings I am familiar—granted, a relatively small number—St. John's ministry is the one that resonates the strongest in my heart. He had a great love for the services of the Church. Every day of his priestly life, he celebrated the Liturgy. It is true that his environment was not something that we would encounter today in America. It was Russia, a traditionally Orthodox country, and Kronstadt was a poor town, where people could feel more inclined to seek God's help. Looking at the situation, however, it is my firm belief that people came to St. John's church not so much because of their personal circumstances, but because they had in front of them an example of holiness. St. John was a living example of Christ's love for people. He took personal care of the preparation of the faithful for the Eucharist and insisted that they receive the Body and Blood of Christ. His services, known for their completeness and for the vigorous pace at which they were celebrated, were a mark of love for the liturgical tradition of the Church. This care for the faithful and for the worship of the Church were signs of St. John's love for God. In this love, people were drawn to him and he ministered to them ceaselessly and selflessly. I believe, though I do not have a rational basis for doing so, that there is a need for a similar ministry in America today. It may not necessarily be the celebration of the Liturgy every day. A mixture from the vast richness of Orthodox services (Orthros, Vespers, Akathists, Paraklesis, hours) can be used to offer the faithful the opportunity to worship every day. As with all things Orthodox, it should not be coercion – St. John never used coercion in his ministry – but an offering from the Church to the people. It should be an opportunity to start a long day by placing yourself in front of God, or to end a tiring day by resting in God's care through prayer.

The final facet of St. John's priesthood that indicates to me the true nature of the priesthood is his dedication to work outside the church itself. The story of his life says that "[i]n 1868 he conceived the idea of founding a House of Industry, comprising a number of workshops, a dormitory, a refectory, a dispensary, and a primary school." It was clear to to St. John that the ministry of the Church extended well beyond the doors of the church building. The Church is called to care for the people in every possible way, and St. John worked tirelessly to make sure that she did just that.

Of course, St. John is not the only person whom we studied this semester who has made an impression on me. Fr. Arseny's constant struggle, his priestly ministry without a regular Liturgy forms a witness to the grace of God which conquers, even in the most difficult of circumstances. Reading about his prayer life, his unwavering focus on God, and his service to others reminded me of the importance of personal prayer in the priesthood. It also taught me that the priesthood always adapts to its environment in ways which radiate God's love to those around. Finally, it reminded me that, even though God's grace is always present, the priesthood can be a great struggle, which brings to the fore our individual shortcomings. Fr. Maximos' quiet and understated faith, his maturity and dedication to his duty as a spiritual father were another source of inspiration. Elder Paisios' quiet and simple advice was also helpful as a reminder that simple words get the message across just as well as, if not better than, a well-crafted phrase. Each person we encountered in the course had a message and a mission which helped shed light on some aspect of the priesthood.

As I mentioned in the beginning, much of my understanding of the priesthood is connected in some way to St. John of Kronstadt. The paragraphs above are a description, for me, of who the priest is: a person totally devoted to God. This devotion, however, does not take him away from the people. Rather, it infuses him with great love and energy and a desire to serve the people in such a way that they become aware of God's love and His providence. This requires humility, perseverance, and self-sacrifice in a measure that cannot humanly be attained. And this is, I believe, the essence of the call to the priesthood. It is the knowledge that the priesthood is a task beyond any man's strength, combined with the assurance that it is something that it can be done—not because of any particular personal strength or merit, but because of God's grace. It seems to me that no man can sincerely believe that he can be a priest, unless he has had some experience of God's grace which helps him see how "with God all things are possible" (Matt. 19:26). Without that experience, the priesthood is truly an impossible endeavor. As with all things, this experience needs to be examined to ascertain whether it is a true calling, or a temptation. If it is a real calling, then this is the first step towards the priesthood.

The issue of what is proper preparation for the priesthood becomes much less clear beyond this. There are, I believe, two components to this preparation: a cognitive component and a spiritual component. Both are needed, though in my opinion, the second component carries a greater importance.

The cognitive component relates to the factual knowledge needed to perform the duties of a priest in 21st-century America. We live in a society which places a premium on degrees, and letters that can be attached to one's name: M.A., M.D., Ph.D., Esq., etc. However, these letters are only an imperfect indication of how intellectually capable a person is in the context of a particular field of expertise. This is by no means meant to be disparaging the intellectual facility of humanity. The Church Fathers held the mind in high respect; St. Gregory of Nyssa saw it as God's image in us. The emphasis placed on this faculty at the expense of God's grace, at the expense of humility and love, creates a very difficult practical situation. Is a Master of Divinity degree necessary as part of one's preparation for the priesthood? In the United States of 2005, the answer is probably yes, because of the premium placed on degrees and because there is currently no other practical way of ensuring the theological and teleturgical preparation of the future priests.

The preparation for the priesthood needs more than knowledge, however. There is a spiritual component to the preparation which includes prayer, spiritual discipline, and proper practical nurture of the virtues. All the knowledge in the world will not make a good priest without love, compassion, humility, patience, and self-sacrifice. The way to these is as unique as each individual, which precludes the writing of a universally applicable step-by-step manual. The journey towards the virtues can take place through, among others, monastic tonsure, marriage, service (such as the field education program here at Holy Cross), and prayer. However, because each journey is different, there is an important need for guidance in each journey. It is very difficult, if not impossible, to quantify how this guidance is to take place beyond the basic requirement that each candidate for the priesthood have a spiritual father with whom he can develop a close relationship. Trust that God will provide the needed guidance is part of the journey.

Beyond this point, I cannot speak about the priesthood and preparation for it in abstract terms. I have drawn the general outline of my understanding of the priesthood; in order to approach the details of that understanding, I need to refer to the personal experience of my own journey. I came to the seminary a little over a year ago because I finally decided to listen to the needling voice that had been directing me towards the priesthood for the past several years. But what did it direct me towards? Why the priesthood?

Before coming here, I studied mathematics and computer science. I was good at it and I enjoyed working at it. Yet, somehow, I only felt fulfilled when, as an undergraduate student, I stayed up until 2:30 in the morning because someone had asked for help with a project and I ended up spending the better part of the next three hours helping that person understand what that project required. In graduate school I found myself helping several undergraduates who had difficulties with a project. As I was helping them, several more came by, and the next thing I knew it was 4:30 a.m. The great joy was asking them the kinds of questions that would help them unravel the project in their own minds. I wrote and published a number of papers, I worked on challenging projects, but no matter how prestigious the conference or journal where the paper would be published, I never felt the kind of satisfaction in those achievements as I did in helping others. My first encounter with the call to the priesthood thus came through the perspective of service.

That was the beginning. Only a couple of years later did I finally realize that the ultimate help comes through serving Christ. So it was the servant leadership which we have been talking about in class that first attracted me to the priesthood. Everything I have learned since then has deepened my understanding of that servant leadership. I started my journey towards the priesthood by thinking that I would offer my love to the ministry. I have come to see the imperfection of my love and I have come to realize that, by uniting ourselves with Christ we share in the love of Christ. It is this love that we offer. I started by thinking that I would sacrifice for the other, but I have come to know that my sacrifice, whatever it may be, only has meaning because of Christ's sacrifice.

The difference between my starting point and my current understanding of the priesthood, while perhaps subtle, is a very important one. Then, the focus of the ministry seemed either the priest himself, or the person to whom the priest ministers. Christ is present, inherently, but tangentially. Now, the ministry is seen as a mostly human endeavor, largely defined by our fallenness: our motives may be good, but we need God's help in order to translate our good motives into good results. In my present understanding, the ministry is that of Christ, and the focus of the priest is strongly on Christ Himself. It is not the case that the human aspects of the ministry are neglected; it is, in fact, quite the contrary: with Christ, God's strength shows through in our weaknesses. The other, the person to whom the priest ministers, is part of Christ's body or, at the very least, Christ is part of him, whether he is aware of it or not. As the priest is part of the body of Christ and has Christ within him as well, the priest and the person to whom he ministers can be united. The two can know one another and love one another in Christ. Then, and perhaps only then, the priest exercises his true ministry.

This is the story of my call to the priesthood so far. While I cannot generalize the details of the story to every call to the priesthood, it seems that each call undergoes a natural process of growth and maturation. Looking at the ministry of the saints and saintly people we have studied in class, I believe that this growth is characteristic of the priesthood in general; that it continues for ever. While, as mentioned previously, every person, every ministry, and every call is different, this process of growth is, I believe, one important way of discerning the authenticity of the call.

The next step on the road to the priesthood is the preparation, cognitive and spiritual. I think it is important for a future priest to try to understand everything through the filter of faith. A large part of our time at seminary is spent on classes. It is easy, therefore, to limit our cognitive preparation to classroom material. However, little things around us every day can help us in our future ministry; valuable information can be found everywhere. For example, Fr. Frank Marangos' comment that the people in the parish are interested in learning the theology of the Church goes hand in hand with Fr. Emmanuel Clapsis' insistence that theology must be presented in a practical way. These things were not directly related to the topic of the class, but together they form an element of ministry which I may not have thought of on my own.

We have talked in class about the relationship between the Orthodox and other Christian denominations, even other religions in society. I believe that it is of paramount importance to the mission of the Church that the Orthodox be actively present in the life of the community in which they are found. For reasons which are both theological (relationships are paramount in the Orthodox Church's understanding of humanity) and practical (the Orthodox community may be too small to start and sustain programs in the community) our presence in the community needs to take place in cooperation with other Christian denominations. It is the priest's responsibility to encourage the participation of his parishioners in community service activities, such as feeding the homeless, or community mentoring programs. Such programs are a practical illustration of the Christian faith and open the doors to the heart of our neighbor, whether he be another volunteer, or someone to whom the program ministers. The priest himself should be leading the parish in these activities. He may not be able to participate in every one of them, but he should be active in these activities, as well as other community service activities for which parishioners may not be as well-suited (e.g., hospital or police chaplain).

Another aspect of the cognitive preparation, and one of the most difficult aspects of my preparation for the priesthood, has been the idea of cooperative leadership. The theory is simple and based on common sense: the work of the parish is such that no one person can do it alone. It is therefore a practical—as well as a spiritual—necessity that the ministry of the priest be not apart from the people, but in communion with them. It is deeply saddening that we see cases in which the relationship between priest and parishioners is defined by tension and mutual distrust. In such situations, it is the responsibility of the priest, as the one in the position of higher authority, to initiate the healing process. This can be a difficult process, requiring humility and love, patience and endurance.

As an example of cooperative leadership, the ministries of the Watertown parish made a deep impression on me. The mutual trust between the priest and his parishioners is something that should be emulated in every parish. This is not to idolize the make-up of one particular parish, or to copy identically the inner workings of that parish; it is, rather, to hold up the end result of a loving and trusting relationship between priest and faithful, grounded in the love of Christ. This trust has to be grounded in faith: the faith that Christ is with His Church, supporting her, that the Holy Spirit guides the Church in the fullness of truth and life. It should not be equated with a conviction or hope that there will be no failures in ministry or that the priest and the faithful will always agree on every issue. It is, rather, a conviction that God will work through difficult times and even through failure. This conviction, however, comes not from the cognitive preparation for the priesthood, but from the spiritual preparation.

A main aspect of the spiritual preparation for the priesthood is spiritual fatherhood. I know that, on my own, I have no capacity to be a spiritual father. Yet, if I follow the path of the priesthood, it is likely that at some point I will become a father confessor. This is one of the reasons why I delayed my coming to the seminary and why I tried not to listen to God's calling. I needed to come to the realization that I was not the focus of the ministry; that the answers that I would provide would not be mine, but, by the grace of God, God Himself would provide the answers in the sacrament. It was only then that I could face the priesthood and look forward to entering it. The essence of this faith, the love and trust of God, is the essential element of priesthood. The faith and the grace of God are what give the priest a different outlook on life. It is what gives the priest the strength to face the temptations and trials of life, regardless of their source and nature. It is easy, in the face of difficulty and failure, to either lose hope and give up, or become obstinate and refuse to face reality. The priest, focused on God, has a great responsibility not give in to either extreme; he is called to minister, to love, and to have faith.

Love, faith, and all the other virtues in themselves need care and attention. For me, the start on the road to these virtues was marriage. Through marriage I came to start learning about the meaning of love; of moving beyond the difficulties of daily life through God's love. One thing that I have learned through marriage is that I only began to understand what love is when I decided that I want to spend eternity with my wife. Without that commitment, love is not truly love. And it is a similar commitment that the priest makes to his faithful. He wants to be with them in the kingdom of God and is committed to helping them find their way there through whatever difficulties might arise.

Faith developed through marriage also by turning to God in difficult times and getting through those difficult times. Patience, hope, compassion - they all 'acquire' a new dimension when they are applied to someone who is there every day. I find myself falling short every day, but by the grace of God, I also find myself learning and growing every day. Again, these virtues, that I have only began to learn, find their counterpart in ministry. I am convinced that my marriage is part of my preparation for ministry. This is not the way that everyone will walk towards the priesthood, but the spiritual journey is a necessary part of becoming a priest.

All this having been said, what do I believe about the priesthood? I believe that it is a sacred ministry, originating with God, rooted in His love. I believe that priesthood requires the love to care for parishioners without judging them; the faith that God will be by your side in both success and failure; the humility to learn, listen, and open yourself up to God's grace; the dedication to offer your entire life to God. I believe that the priesthood is the meeting place of God's ministry to people and the people's ministry to God. Finally, I believe that the priesthood is holy, and that, while we should bring our individual holiness to the priesthood as much as possible, we should, more importantly, allow ourselves to be sanctified by it.

Quick catch-up

2005-11-28T17:55:00.000-05:00

I have been wrestling with a couple of papers for the last couple of weeks (Thanksgiving day = read 240 page book for the dogmatics paper). Magda liked the pastoral theology paper (a ten page reflection on the priesthood), so that one may end up posted at some point.

Tag 2

2005-11-14T19:50:00.000-05:00

Well, it will certainly be interesting to think about the top ten influences in my life outside of God and family (thanks to the wife). In no particular order.

Fr. George Konstantopoulos whose patience and guidance helped me come to Holy Cross.

Dr. Matthias Scheutz. A brilliant man, extremely dedicated to his craft, with whom I had the following approximate conversation.

Me: "Matthias, I'm not sure I'd want to work as much as you do." [he works probably 65 hour weeks - more around conference deadlines, 50 weeks a year]
He: "I said the same thing when I was in your position about my advisor. But then I adjusted here and there..."

I realized right there how easy it is to slip, little by little into things you would not consider doing if that change had to occur in one step. He was okay with the change, but I did not want to become okay with it. That was one of the deciding moments in my journey away from the world of academia.

Nicolae Decianu, my junior high math teacher, who knew how to approach me and talk to me at a time when I was feeling rather stressed. He also pushed too hard at times, but - maybe also because of that - he makes the list.

Dr. Nelson Passos, on whose door I knocked regularly at 7:00am during the 1998 World Cup, with whom I started doing research (and it was fun), with whom I shared a very enlightening car ride from Wichita Falls to Notre Dame for a conference, and who told me once during a conversation we had about life that "When you think you need to see a shrink, you've been in America too long."

Prof. Richard Simpson, who loves computers, but also loves many other things (I remember orchids, genealogy, philosophy, history) and who also took the time to talk with me when, in undergrad, away from family and putting way too much pressure on myself to do well, I started feeling the stress.

Daniel Stowe, whose dedication to music turned a bunch of seventy rowdy male college students into a very good choir that could, on any given night, turn in a breathtaking performance. I still listen to the few live mp3s that I have of some of our songs and I find myself wondering: Did we really do that?

Pompiliu Aurica, my first basketball coach. He had a way with children and he believed in me when others didn't.

Elena Costea, my elementary school teacher, who had the patience with an unruly kid and who gave me the chance to explore the talent I had at mathematics.

Fr. Teodor Bita, who taught me a very important lesson about the Eucharist and with whom I took my first steps in Byzantine chant.

The Horescus, whom I almost feel like cheating by including here, because they have always treated me like a son.

I am probably forgetting some people, but I reserve the right to modify this at a later time

No outgoing tags at this time.

Welcome to Dallas

2005-11-09T16:30:00.000-05:00

A small reason for the extended silence was the trip my wife and I took to Dallas for a mini-family reunion (hers, obviously). The weekend had its moments, but at this point the only thing that I really remember was church on Sunday.

Minor side-bar. The Theotokos icon of Sitka has been visiting places in the continental US. It came to Massachusetts, but somehow that evening there was no time to go.

Return from side-bar. We had several options for church on Sunday, but in the end we decided on a close church, which happened to start Liturgy the earliest. It just so happened that church was the OCA cathedral. For one, I had read Archbishop Dimitri's book on the parables of Jesus and enjoyed it, and I was hoping he would be there for the service, if only to associate a person with the book. He was indeed and I am glad we went to see that hierarchical liturgy.

For another, the Liturgy was beautiful - the typika were sung, as were the creed and "Our Father" and overall there was a feeling of holiness in the service. Perhaps that could be attributed in part to the icon standing roughly in the middle of the church: the Theotokos of Sitka. It was strange - both Magda and I just stood and said a couple of prayers, without going to the icon itself, but it still somehow felt that going to that Liturgy and seeing the icon was the main reason why we needed to be in Dallas that weekend.

Have I ever mentioned that I love 'minor' miracles?

Wifely < tag >

2005-10-18T13:12:00.000-04:00

This comes with a disclaimer: I don't like planning too much. It assumes I have more control over life than I actually do. So take my 'things I plan' as 'things I would like to do.'

Five things I plan to do before I die:
- Visit Mount Athos
- 'Give' the Holy Eucharist to my family
- Coach a soccer team
- Sleep
- Get another degree (just kidding)

Five things I can do:
- Play sports
- Sing
- Math
- Computer stuff
- Study

Five things I cannot do:
- Draw
- Dance
- Tolerate a lack of effort
- Abstain from puns
- Maintain a paper correspondence

Five things that attract me to the opposite sex:
- Willingness to work in order to improve (self, relationship, etc.)
- Charity
- Sense of humor
- Intelligence
- Voice

Five things I say most often:
- Doamne ajuta (loose translation - "May the Lord help us")
- "What would you like to eat?"
- La-la-la-la-LAH :)
- Through the prayers of our holy fathers, Lord Jesus Christ, our God, have mercy on us and save us.
- I've been in school for too long

Five Celebrity Crushes:
- None.

< /tag >

Sermon

2005-10-17T20:56:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I gave my first sermon, at St. Vasilios in Peabody, MA. This is the approximate text - it is what I had on paper, which isn't quite what I said since I wasn't actually reading, but it should be close enough.

To Whom Does the Gospel Speak?
He who has ears to hear, let him hear

A sower went out to sow his seed; and as he sowed, some fell along the path, and was trodden under foot, and the birds of the air devoured it. And some fell on the rock; and as it grew up, it withered away, because it had no moisture. And some fell among thorns; and the thorns grew with it and choked it. And some fell into good soil and grew, and yielded a hundredfold. The Lord often spoke in parables and he often concluded them with the somewhat mysterious "he who has ears to hear, let him hear." But who has the ears to hear and what does it mean to hear?

I love playing basketball and last year I played on the Holy Cross team in the Boston Metropolis YAL. My wife came to a number of our games and was our most ardent supporter. I was told that she was cheering extremely hard at each of these games. After a particular game, she came and asked whether it did any good to cheer for me (everyone else had thanked her for cheering for them). I, rather incredulously, asked "Were you shouting my name?" You see, when I started playing, my sight and my hearing stopped at the edge of the court. Presumably I "heard" my wife cheering (everyone else in the building did), but I did not truly "hear" her; I concentrated so hard on the game, that I became oblivious to everything else.

In much the same way, we come to Church on Sundays and can easily be oblivious to what happens during the worship service. We hear the hymns - maybe we even sing them - but often do not realize what we say through them. We hear the Gospel and promptly forget what it was about, even though the Evangelist speaks directly to each one of us through the Gospel. Human nature has not changed in two thousand years: we still worry about tomorrow, we still wrestle with anger, sexual desire, and envy, we still search for happiness. Then, now, and forever, God speaks to each of us through the Scriptures, promising us eternal life. In return, we need to open up our hearts to Him, to listen in the deepest sense of the word, and to respond to that offer with love.

Thus, when each of us hears the parable of the sower, each is called to sincerely look into his heart and answer the question "What sort of soil am I?" Do I hear God's word but not take it to heart? Do I rejoice while I am here, but forget about God as soon as I exit the church building? Do I try to hold on to the word, but get overwhelmed by life? Or do I hold on to God's word as the pearl of great price?

These are difficult questions to answer sincerely, because we live in a society in which everything tends to be compartmentalized. We are our true selves when we are in Church, but we feel pressured to become actors playing many parts: parent, child, businessman, doctor, Christian believer and so forth. However, as Orthodox, this compartmentalization is not natural. God created us whole; He united body and soul, and man became a living being. To oppose the soul to the body creates a division which was not placed there by God. If body and soul are separated, the fullness of man is lost. This premise is also true in terms of our lives: fragmenting our lives, we lose the fullness of life, which Christ brought to us and which the Church presents to us.

The Church sows the seeds of God's love in our hearts with every service and with every prayer. She comes to us and offers us living water for these seeds so that they can grow and bear good fruit in our lives. We come to her to receive that water, to be fed by the Pure Body and Blood of our Savior. And when we are fed we grow until we can share in the work of the sower. For this is part of our calling - layman and clergy alike - to sow the seeds of faith in the world. We are not all called to be ordained priests, we are not all called to be preachers, but we, each one of us individually, are called to be holy and to shine Christ's light into the world.

If we love our fellow man even when he cuts us off in traffic, if we can say a prayer for the neighbor who is chatting next to us during the Liturgy, if we can put our children to sleep with an "Our Father" then we are shining God's light in the world and we are co-sowers with God. Before we can do that, however, we have to prepare ourselves to receive God's word. We have to open our hearts and let God's word take root in them firmly.

Opening our hearts to God and keeping them open is not easy, but Christ did not give us the easy way. He gave us Himself: the Way, the Truth, and the Life and He promised us that through Him we have eternal life. In response, He asks us to listen to His words and put them to work in our lives as much as we are able to. He assured us that He would be with us until the end of the age and told us that if we knock, the door will be opened to us. So let us knock by placing God before us a little more each day.

If we forget about God between Monday and Saturday, let us put in our planners five minutes of prayer each day. If we pray for five minutes, let us read the Scriptures of the day. If we read the Scriptures, let us think of what our Lord says to each of us individually through them. Who has ears to hear? Each one of us, if we allow ourselves. What does it mean to hear? To listen to the Lord's words as He speaks to us in the Scriptures, to take them into our hearts and apply them in our daily lives. May we do this in patience and humility and to the glory of God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.

Requesting the pleasure of ... whose company?

2005-10-14T13:11:00.000-04:00

Our latest campus directory has a couple of interesting entries. One such item reads:

D., S. and Wife

To this, my lovely wife replied "Maybe they'll name their first baby "Guest" so invitations can be addressed to: 'S. D., Wife, and Guest.'"

On foul language

2005-10-12T21:17:00.000-04:00

Wikipedia defines foul language as "Profanity is a word choice or usage which its audience considers to be offensive" (The Profanity page is a redirect from Foul Language.). My first reaction was to think that it was a very lax and ambiguous definition, making profanity dependent upon the values and reaction of the audience. Thinking about it some more, I realized that it may not be that far from the truth. There are, however, two questions that I would raise.

The first question that needs to be asked is "Who is our audience?" We acknowledge in our moments of spiritual reflection the existence of a reality which extends beyond the limits of our senses. In my previous post I talked about demonic possession. Within our faith we acknowledge the existence of angels and demons, and, most importantly that of an omnipresent God. Do we consider the God and the angels as part of our audience? Hebrews 4:12,13 says "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." God is there, by our side and nothing we do, say, or think is hidden from Him. He is in our audience at all times. Do we remember?

The other question regards the term offensive. It is here that I have some difficulties with the Wikipedia definition. What is offensive is relative to people. Some have become desensitized to language, violence, immorality, and many other things. Others either have never become desensitized, or they have come back to realizing the problems that exist in each of these areas. So it seems to me that we need another standard by which to judge the foulness of language, one which is not based on the instability of human sensibilities. As far as I can tell, the only true criterion we have to satisfy that condition is that of divine love. Christ said "Love your neighbor as yourself." It is with this in mind that I see foul language and profanity not merely encompassing the obvious (messages of hatred, "four-letter" words, etc.), but in fact everything that is said with a lack of love for the other.

I mentioned in my previous post that I had an aversion to foul language and that it had a negative effect on me. I can say the same thing about anger, lack of compassion, and other passions. They affect me personally even when they are not directed at me. I can get through them, but I can see the disturbance that they cause in my soul, so I cannot help but have this sense that they are related. St. John Chrysostom's assertion that "foul speech defiles and invites devils" makes sense to me in the context that, when we say things without love for our neighbor, we close ourselves off from God (even momentarily) and open ourselves up to attacks against which we would otherwise have been ready to defend.

Tired musings

2005-10-07T20:00:00.000-04:00

As expected, this is turning out to be my most demanding semester yet in terms of workload. Thus, the reduced frequency of the posts. That being said...

In one of our classes we discussed demonic possession in its various forms. It is a tricky and difficult subject to approach. From my notes:

"Demonic possession is not an every day event. More often evil subverts and seduces
us not through a ferocious attack, but by luring us into complacency - we see ourselves as good, the vigilance is disarmed, etc. More often evil wins not through direct attack, but through stealth, through the most ordinary and mundane. Evil undermines us subtly."

"We live in a society that tends to trivialize and marginalize evil is seen as an irrelevant abstraction. A concrete understanding of evil is seen as anachronism, unworthy of rational people. This way we are forced to ignore the daily experiences which show us the evil around us. [...] we ignore evil, but see more of it around us (wars, etc.)"

"The Church provides a ministry of sacrament and prayer in conjunction with modern medicine" - as a wholistic approach to man, trying to heal both physically and spiritually.

I thought the class was interesting not only because specific cases of demonic possession were presented to us, but because it put these cases in a different type of light. Yes, these exist, yes they can be as 'spectacular' as seen in movies. However, the biggest fight that we face, as members of Christ's body, is in the daily life and in avoiding its temptations.

Another thing that I found this week in reading some of St. John Chrysostom's homilies for my exegesis class was this quote:

"For if foul speech defiles and invites devils, it is clear that spiritual reading sanctifies and draws down the grace of the Spirit."

For a few years now I have had this aversion to foul language that I could not explain. I did not have the spiritual insight to see what it was that provoked that aversion, that made me feel restless and ill-at-ease, but reading St. John, I think I understand.

Final thought for this evening. In our Ethics class we looked at the question "What is good?" Our professor's assertion is that 'what is good' is fundamentally the wrong question to ask, because good is an attribute of God, so good is not a 'what' but a 'who.' Without that framework, trying to find out 'what is good' does not lead anywhere (good). I'm still working out the practical implications of changing the way we look at ethics - probably will be for a while.

Humanity and humility

2005-09-24T20:21:00.000-04:00

Errare humanum est. For whatever reason that is the first form in which I encountered "to err is human." But this is not so much about error as it is about the particular form of error we call sin (I tend to believe that making a mistake on a math test isn't quite sin). I have seen many definitions of sin, but right now sin to me is, very intensely and concretely, not acting in God's love, causing pain to another by action or, in my case, inaction: I forgot to call my mother on her birthday.

I think about her every day, pray for her every day. I work every day at being a better person - more forgiving, less judgmental, more patient. I guess I was getting to the point where I was beginning to be satisfied with my efforts, perhaps even with my spiritual state. From there it's just a very small step to patting myself on the back and telling myself what a great job I have done, relaxing, taking a breather from the spiritual battle.

The most dangerous thing that we can do in our spiritual battle is to stop striving for a closer likeness to God. The Fathers have said that in the spiritual battle there is no stationary state: we either move forward or move backward. Just as in the material world, there is inertia. Sometimes it is a good thing, as when wee continue your prayer rule in times when prayer is difficult. Other times, bad habits are pulling us backwards and it requires years of hard efforts to overcome the inertia and start moving again towards God.

That being said, I needed a reminder that we are called to be vigilant, not to rest on our laurels, especially when they are more of an illusion than reality. So I was reminded. I failed in the most basic way that I could fail: I failed to love enough. Mind you, I am not saying I do not love my mother, because I do. Yet, true love, God's love, is the love that finds a way to not hurt others, but to soothe and comfort them. In that, I have failed to love.

May our Lord Jesus Christ teach me to love as He loved and may He guard my mother and grant her every blessing.

Pray for me, the sinner.
vp

HURRICANE: Blog for Relief Day

2005-09-01T20:02:00.000-04:00

As I found out from Fr. Joseph, today is an attempt at raising funds for disaster relief by contributing to various charities which have relief programs in place. Personally, I chose IOCC, not only because it is the charitable arm of the Church, but also because from what I can tell it is very well run, with (if I remember it right) only about 8% of donations being used for operation costs.

P.S. It looks like the blogathon has been extended through Labor Day.

Phew...

2005-08-30T09:18:00.000-04:00

After having spent the better part of the last month in a six-hour a day Greek class, I can finally take a bit of a break - not too much of one, as classes for the fall start next Thursday.

It's been a long summer, but it's been a pretty good one and I've learned a lot of things. My time as caretaker of the chapel is coming to an end (since students are starting to come back) and I know I'm going to miss it. I enjoyed the quiet mornings and the occasional late night. Chanting every day has put me in the position where I feel comfortable being a chant group leader for the coming academic year. Seeing the people who were here every day with me has given me added hope for the future generation of priests here in the US. It's been a good summer.

Five things I miss about my childhood, etc.

2005-07-28T21:23:00.000-04:00

As promised, having been tagged by Magda, I'll try to write about five things I miss about my childhood.

1. The time I spent with my aunt and grandmother in Bacau. It was a small apartment, but it was home away from home. I remember spending summers and winters there, making friends, playing soccer in the park or in the alley, getting together for cards with friends, having other kids knock on the door and say "Can Petrisor come out to play?" and doing the same with them. In the winter it was always fun to go out and play in the snow. I remember one particular attempt at building a large snowman... It turned out to be rather larger than we could manage.

My grandmother's cooking somehow remains in my mind. I can't put my finger on what it was, but just thinking of the meals there always brings back wonderful memories. I don't remember that much more, just that it was a happy time.

2. Playing soccer around our apartment building. It was on cement. It was in the interior of a U-shaped building, with stores on the ground level, stores whose workers were not very happy when balls repeatedly slammed into their walls and loading doors. It was fun.

3. Reading. My parents introduced me to a variety of good books and we still have a few Jules Verne books lying around. I still remember being sad when I reached the end of the "Ciresarii" series (The author had one of the characters say something along the lines of "But I don't want this to be over, there are so many other things to do, places to see." And the last line, given by another character was "Don't you understand? We're not in a book any more.") and shedding a tear at the end of Selma Lagerlof's "The wonderful adventures of Nils Holgersson" (where Nils walks with the geese, both reminisce about their past adventures together, but they can no longer understand one another). One situation I find very interesting (looking back) is that other seemed to have the same sort of interest. I read the Three Musketeers and Twenty Years After, but I only skimmed The Vicomte of Bragelonne. One day, as I was walking home from playing outside, a couple of kids had something (water baloons?) and wanted to start a fight. Since I was going in, I didn't want to be a part of it. When they asked who I was, I said, Marshall D'Artagnan. They let me go, but one of them said "You know that he got killed immediately after he became a Marshall?" I did know that, and at that time it didn't strike me as strange that someone else would too. Looking back, it seems a lot more impressive.

4. Basketball. We had a coach who kept practices fun, while still teaching us the game. The games at the end of practice were fun. Being little (8-9 years old) and playing with full height rims, baskets were hard to come by. I still remember a rather outrageous 15-foot sky hook that ended up being the only basket in one of those games, and another instance where I drove for a lay-up, got shoved forward (under the basket) but somehow managed to score.

5. Being a troublemaker and finding out ways to get away with it. Well, okay, so maybe I don't so much miss that as look fondly back to a foundation upon which I have built. Locking the teacher out of the classroom during break because she *always* came to class before the bell rang still makes me chuckle. There was no ill-will against the teacher, I just figured I'd try to make a point...

On an unrelated note, today I sent out most of the paperwork for ordination. There are still a couple of things I need to take care of next week, then I just have to wait. Please pray for me, the sinner, that I serve God and His Church in a manner pleasing to Him both now and when, if God so wills, I will be ordained.

Post-vacation

2005-07-18T21:33:00.000-04:00

Thanks in part to the Orthodox blogging community, the time away from Holy Cross was absolutely wonderful (except for car breakdowns, but you really can't expect everything to go smoothly - life would lose its peculiar charm :).

Both my wife and I loved our brief visit to Holy Cross Orthodox Church in Linthicum Heights, MD. I had long had the thought that a meal following the Divine Liturgy could be a way for the parish to know one another and to form the sort of Christian fellowship that the early church experienced. This past Sunday was the first chance that I had to see that take place. It was wonderful to see a parish in which the people "enjoy one another's company" in Fr. Gregory's words.

The parish of St. Philothea in Augusta, GA, was also a wonderful visit. It is a small parish whose parishioners cover a multitude of ethnic backgrounds. It is a mission parish, of modest means, but there is, again, an atmosphere that echoes - at least for me - the early Christians. Perhaps it is the Southern hospitality, combines with Eastern European cooking, and with the intimacy which can easily accompany a small parish. In any case, it was a blessing to spend some time there.

I need to answer my wife's call to speak about five things I miss about my childhood. That, next time.

Phone message

2005-07-05T18:39:00.000-04:00

I could have titled this "how to be a jerk without knowing it (but having a pretty good idea)."

Our answering machine message for the last couple of weeks has been "You have reached ***-***-****. Please factor the number into prime factors and leave a message." At some point I started factoring the number myself, but after the first couple of prime factors, it was slow going so I figured I wouldn't spend more time on it. Good thing, too. My wife informs me that the number that was left after the initial factoring was the product of just two primes: 10061 and 30689.

Responsibility

2005-07-01T09:45:00.000-04:00

As I was reading my wife's frustrated comments about the immigration paperwork (which should finally go out today - everything is in order and postage printed and all that), I went back to the one question on form I-485 to which I answered 'yes': "Have you ever been a member of, or in any way affiliated with the Communist Party or any other totalitarian party?"

That made me think about several things. First off, about how well organized the communist propaganda machine was and how early it all started. The 'pioneers' were the communist youth group. The members wore red scarves/ties with a red/yellow/blue border, representing the flag. It was, to relate this somewhat to psychology, a milestone in life: in second grade you became a pioneer. What was even more well-designed was the fact that children with especially bad grades or behavior were at times delayed in their entry to the group. So it became, in a way, a source of pride: if you were a member, it meant you were good enough.

From there, it is a slippery slope. One poem here, another there, some praises for the leaders of the party and before you know it, the indoctrination process is complete. Which brings me to my parents.

My parents took an immense risk, one that could very easily have backfired and landed them in jail or, perhaps, even worse. They were among the many who would often spend their evenings listening to Radio Free Europe or Voice of America. The difference that I believe was essential between them and most parents of that time was that they let me listen, too. In the apartment, although there were reasonable fears of it being bugged, they also spoke their minds. I had an idea from very early on about what was wrong with the country.

As I said, it was an immense risk - a seven or eight-year old will not always know when to speak and when to keep quiet. So, one day in school I said something about what was happening in the world. I don't remember what it was, but I do remember the teacher looking at me and saying: "How do you know that?" and me answering "I heard it on VoA." She called another teacher to the classroom who asked the same question. I think my parents got called to school - I never really found out what went on there - but things never changed: we all kept listening.

What does this have to do with responsibility? Well, I am very grateful to my parents for opening my eyes to see other points of view. I am grateful that not only did they take a chance, the continued along the same path even after I had made a mistake that could have gotten them into trouble. They were responsible for me and they made sure I grew up knowing how to think on my own, how to look for the truth, how to persevere towards the things in which I believed.

Of course, ours was an extreme set of circumstances: mid to late eighties communist Romania. The principle, however, remains universally true. It is especially true with regard to the Church in modern society: it is our responsibility, if we believe in the Truth that we have, to persevere in that Truth, to set an example for those around us, and, when the time comes, to teach our children how to look for the Truth even when it is hidden.

Chant thoughts

2005-06-21T19:43:00.000-04:00

As I mentioned before, the next post was going to be related to chant and some connection of it to theology. In the end, it may sound trivial, but when feelings are getting hurt because one does not have a chance to chant or when people avoid going to chapel on certain days in order to avoid hearing a chanter, it is not as trivial as it seems. I think this is quite a good example of the little things that serve as stumbling blocks on the way to Christ - things that we, as servants of the Church, need to be mindful of. It would be easy to say that each one should search within his heart and focus on the prayer of the Church and her life as the Body of Christ when we gather together in prayer. But, in reality, it is not that easy. We all have failures, we may not be able to see our shortcomings, we may need help in overcoming them. And, if we stop and reflect on the meaning of being a Christian, being there to help in overcoming shortcomings is a defining part of our lives. How?

In the Orthodox Church, there is a lot of singing. Except for some prayers/psalms, just about everything is intoned or sung. At Holy Cross, there is a fair amount of time dedicated to the teaching of chant - six semesters of Byzantine Music are required of every seminarian. As is to be expected, some have an easier time of it than others. The question then is: how do you handle a vast array of abilities, knowledge, and sensibilities in a manner that is consistent with our identity as an Orthodox school?

One suggestion has been that, just as God welcomes everyone, we should also welcome everyone to chant the services. It would be easy to say that not everyone may be called to be a chanter. It may even be true (1 Cor. 12:29 may be somewhat relevant to this situation in regard to the different roles that we play in the community.). The problem with that is that it is often the case that priests have to do a fair amount of chanting once they are in a parish. So simply saying that one is not a good chanter and therefore should not chant is not really a viable solution - not when the priest's chanting is the object of the parishioners' scrutiny.

The simple answer then is: help them. Offer voice lessons, have ear training sessions, do whatever is needed to make sure the students can sing. To a certain extent, the school tries to do that, as well. However, in a 121.5 credit hour master's, it is almost impossible to devote any significant amount of time to that, when trying to make sure at the same time that the graduates of the school know their theology and how to apply it to everyday life. On top of that, voice and ear training can be some of the most frustrating and time-consuming activities. When I first started taking voice lessons, my teacher spent the first year (and part of the second) getting rid of my bad habits. And that was with a half-hour individual lesson each week. The ear can be even harder: unless you are gifted with a very sensitive ear, it is easy to lose concentration and to sing flat. All in all, to do it well, it takes more time and resources than this school has in the current set-up.

So is there a solution? I believe there is, but it is one that would require a community effort (I guess I could say the bearing of one another's burdens) as well as personal responsibility. I think the way to ensure that seminarians who graduate are able to chant/sing at a decent level is for those of us who are good at it to provide opportunities for those who want to become better. And just having one or two people do it will probably not be enough: the coursework is too time consuming for one or two people to be able to put in the required time. At the same time, the people who need help should want to do something about it (I've seen some impressive improvements from a couple of people in my year here, so it is possible to do something about it, even without much outside help). Otherwise, all the help in the world won't do any good. I think this would be a better example of theology in practice (as it involves both love and personal responsibility) than simply providing everyone with an opportunity regardless of the person's ability level at the time.

Will it happen? We live in an imperfect world, so I have my doubts. I will, however, try to get something started. So, if you're interested, tomorrow and Thursday after Vespers, we are practising for Sunday's Liturgy in the Holy Cross chapel.

Catch-up and one odd thing

2005-06-17T14:03:00.000-04:00

The last few days have been rather hectic. Between studying for Greek, starting to put together the paperwork for ordination, and getting things together to finally apply for a green card, there has been precious little time left for anything else. I did have an interesting discussion with a classmate about the theology involved in various chant practices - hopefully that will be the subject of my next post.

Odd: Both my Master's and Ph.D. are from Notre Dame. The Master's diploma is in English. The Ph.D, a copy of which I only recently saw for the first time since I didn't bother telling them not to ship the diploma to Romania, is in Latin. Go figure.

Eucharist

2005-06-11T20:33:00.000-04:00

I occasionally help with Liturgy at two nursing homes. It never fails to strike a chord. One of the ladies who was brought downstairs for the Liturgy was crying during the service and especially so when she received the Eucharist. It reminded me of St. Simeon the New Theologian. My memory fails me whether he said that the priest should be in tears when he celebrates the Eucharist or that everyone should be in tears when receiving the Body and Blood of Christ. However, the spirit of that saying was manifested to me in the tears of one woman at a nursing home. I pray that when, God willing, I will be a servant at His Holy Table, I will have the faith and love I saw before me today.

Ascension

2005-06-09T20:26:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we sang "Christ is Risen" for the last time this year. It felt strange: I had gotten so enveloped in the Paschal period, that the thought of going to church and not singing the quintessential resurrectional hymn. So, my thoughts.

First, this year it was a renewed experience: I was back in an Orthodox environment for the first time in years. In previous years, I would meet Orthodox people on a scattered basis and greeting them with "Christ is Risen" was something I looked forward to. Here, I noticed myself slipping and I had to remind myself that we were in the Paschal period. As time went by, the habit started coming back, but it was a rather unexpected struggle.

Second, the departure from the Paschal period was a sudden reminder of the abnormality, if I may use the world, of the world. Within the Paschal period, illumined by the Resurrection, I felt at home. There was a joy and peacefulness that pervaded the services, even at those times when I was at my most tired. But we are not there yet. We still live in the world; we still have to deal with the consequences of the fall; we are still called to share in the work of Christ and to transform the ourselves and the world. At some point I read (it may have been in one of Fr. Schmemann's books, but I am not certain) that the kingdom of heaven is present (thought not fully) in history because of Christ's incarnation and resurrection. History is being led to the kingdom. It sounded strange: it 'fit' within the theology of the Church, but I couldn't see it. I think that is beginning to change: this year I could feel the joy of the Resurrection as a window into heaven; a glimpse of the heaven that is among us.

Finally, there is the Church of Jerusalem, where "Christ is Risen" (if my memory serves me right) is sung every Sunday. In a way, I wish I were a part of that. Then again, maybe there is something to be said the reminder that comes with only hearing that part of the year: we are not there yet.

Turkey

2005-06-08T13:46:00.000-04:00

Turkey
Originally uploaded by magdalainn.

Just one of the privileges of having a campus in a wooded area. I thought I'd turn this opportunity into a "Caption this!"

My entry: "I'm not a turkey, I'm a dog, I'm not a turkey, I'm a dog..."

Summer thoughts

2005-06-06T10:32:00.000-04:00

Well, as my wife details over in her corner of the internet, we have been busy moving things around in our apartment. I discovered this morning that the living room now echoes when I sing - but she probably shouldn't find out about it :)

The Liturgical Greek course is proving very helpful. This morning I found myself understanding about 75% of the epistle as I was reading it. Of course, there's still a long way to go, especially in terms of vocabulary, but it's nice to be able to look and see progress. Tonight we have a Vigil for St. Panagi (19th c. Greece), whose relics we have in the chapel. That should provide me some extra practice with reading/chanting Greek.

As a side note, our Greek professor has been taking the time to discuss the conotations of a number of words in the text (petitions, prayers, psalms). It makes for a much deeper understanding than merely knowing the 'dictionary meaning' of the word. Another helpful aspect is the Greek tendency to express concepts by adding prepositions to root words - in addition to learning the meaning of the word, this provides a look into the origins of the concept and how it was understood in relation to other words in the language. Quite enjoyable.

Among the three activities hinted at above (Greek, chant, apartment rearrangement), my time is pretty much exhausted. As is this post.

Time

2005-06-01T13:10:00.000-04:00

Time can be a fascinating subject; so much so that it easily turns into an obsession. There is no time, I have no time, how do I make time for... It can easily be a vast emptiness, with no guideposts, an expanse into which getting lost is much easier than staying the course. From the earliest times man has tried to find markers and guideposts for time. Obviously the celestial bodies were the most clear choices to mark time - the sun marks the day and the moon and the stars the night. Lunar calendars have existed for thousands of years. But right now my thoughts keep coming back to the day.

Genesis tells us that there was evening and there was morning, day one. Leaving aside that this was before the creation of the stars, to the Judaic and Christian traditions, this has always meant that the day starts in the evening. The two events (evening and morning) became some of the Church's main markers in the sea of time: Vespers, the first and last service of the day, marks the evening, while Orthros/Matins marks the morning. I tend to see this as the Church saying "begin and end the day with prayer" and "begin and end your work with prayer." Being at the seminary has afforded me the opportunity to enter into this cycle of services, to daily draw strength and hope from the morning light and from the evening light. It is a wonderful privilege.

Another line of thinking that I have been trying to pursue refers to what seems to me to be a strange dichotomy in the time of the Church. From early times, two ways of keeping time were used in paralled: the Semitic (sunset to sunset) and Roman (midnight to midnight). Today, the liturgical time of the Church follows the Semitic way of counting days. For most, however, the fasting calendar follows the Roman way. There are other examples where the two calendars mix in strange ways (Holy Week being perhaps the most striking).

I cannot help wondering how this dichotomy came about. My thought I had goes back to the old issue of church attendance. If one attends services on a daily basis, the markers in the ocean of time are firmly set: the prokeimenon comes and brings with it a new day. If one is not present, there is no marker; no reminder that, by the Church's reckoning a new day is born. In this case, it would make sense that a new day would start - for all practical purposes - in the morning. This all makes for a strange tension between Church time and 'regular' time. It really struck me at Forgiveness Vespers, at the start of Great Lent. Half-way through the service the lights were turned out, the covers were changed, it *was* Lent. Having been at the service, having experienced the change, it was impossible to go home and say "Oh, I think I'll have one last hotdog." At that point, for me, Lent had started, with all that it implied.

Of course, there are many other, more important issues to discuss. This just happens to be the venue of my thoughts for the day.

Summer school

2005-05-29T13:22:00.000-04:00

I enjoy being able to focus on a few things, rather than try to work on many at the same time. Thus, summer school has been quite enjoyable. I am taking Liturgical Greek. As I mentioned before, I like Greek and I enjoy looking at the intricacies of a language which was in an important process of change between the time of the Septuagint translation and that of the writing of the New Testament.

A second interesting part of summer is that most students are away, which leaves only a few of us in charge of the chapel. It's a learning process and there are still a number of things I need to put on my daily check-up list (not least of which is making sure I look over the hymns for Vespers). I guess there really isn't a better way to learn about the services of the Church than by being directly involved every day and having people who know better make sure everything gets done.

Well, this is my catch-up blog. I'll try and formulate a few thoughts about the liturgical day versus the secular day in the near future.

Graduation

2005-05-22T21:03:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was graduation. Today, a number of the graduates have already left. It feels significantly different from my other schools. Perhaps it is that the school is so small you get to know the name of almost everyone on campus. Perhaps it is that here we are all preparing to work for the Church. Whatever it is, I will miss those who have gone. Some I have gotten to know fairly well, some very little. Still, I saw them in chapel and we prayed together; we walked past one another and said "Hristos anesti." So here's to you: Dn. Joe, Dn. John, Fr. Agathonikos, Dn. Andrew and everyone in the class of 2005. May the Lord guide you and may you serve Him well. May our paths cross again.

Finals grumbling

2005-05-20T11:20:00.000-04:00

I'm behind on replies and posts, but I have only one more exam and I'll try to catch up after that. Now for the grumbling. If I were an elephant, the New Testament exam would have gone much better. As it is, I tried to be too smart for my own good. The exam instructions said "The passages requiring identification and comment will bre related, to the fullest degree possible, to the particular circumstances and issues of a specific NT book." Sadly, since I can't remember passages word for word, I tried looking into the passage for clues and I found the wrong one...

"Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. 11As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about"

Since in class we focused on 1 Peter as the epistle that most deals with suffering, I said 1 Peter. I should have looked at Job -> righteousness -> James. grumble.